OUr Dear Children7 - Jealous
by Mercy2908
Summary: A visitor to Rock Creek is going to stir its usually calm waters.
1. Chapter 1

**Jealous**

That morning at the crack of dawn when she woke up, Louise realized she had a slight sore throat. The winter was especially bitter this year, and it was no wonder that Jed and Mattie had already nursed colds a couple of weeks ago. That was why she was being extra careful with Ginnie. Her baby girl was so young and vulnerable that Lou would hate herself if her daughter would fall sick for her carelessness.

In the kitchen she had a spoonful of the syrup she kept for when Kid or the children felt under the weather. It was her secret miracle potion. Actually, it was not so secret since it was a concoction Buck prepared for the whole family. There was no doubt the bitter mixture was effective. When she noticed the least sign ailment like a mere sneeze, she fed her family the syrup despite the children's and even Kid's protests, and most of the time that saved her from further strain or bothering the doctor. In truth, she hardly ever had to use it for herself since it had been years since she had last been sick.

The routine of the day unfolded: waking up the children, making breakfast, and when Janey and Matt left for school, making beds, the laundry, cleaning, and cooking. As hour after hour went by, Lou started feeling worse, and she almost had to drag herself to finish the day. When Kid came to dinner that night, he instantly noticed there was something wrong with her. Lou's slouched body sat at her usual seat, her elbows resting on the dinner table and her head on her hands. As she saw her husband appear, she stood up and was about to head for the kitchen when Kid stopped her. "Lou? You all right?"

"I'm…feeling a bit under the weather."

Kid's hand instantly reached to feel her forehead. "You're feverish, honey," he said. "Why don't you get into bed? You look as if you urgently need to rest for the remainder of the day."

"But dinner and…"

"Lou, go to bed. Me and the children will take care of everything," Kid cut her off. "You must've caught a chill, and some bed rest is all you need. Tomorrow you'll be as right as rain."

Lou nodded slowly and did not even try to protest, because in truth she could hardly stand on her two feet. The day had been too long and hard, and she was ready to have an early night, earlier than usual. "Night," she whispered, giving her husband a peck on the lips.

"I'll check on you later, and if you feel like it, I'll bring you something to eat."

Louise nodded again, and shuffled her feet towards the staircase. Right at that moment the sound of pattering feet sounded outside. The door opened and a draught of cold air wafted inside as well as the swirl of energy that were the McCloud brothers. Jed ran straight to the table that was already set for dinner, but Matt stopped when he noticed his mother starting up the staircase.

"Ma!" he called. "Where are you going? What about dinner?"

"Mattie, your ma ain't feeling too well, and needs to rest."

"It's nothing, honey. I'll be fine tomorrow," Lou said in a weak voice, blowing him a kiss, and then resumed going up the stairs. "Just be good to your pa."

That night Janey helped her father with dinner and her smaller siblings. While the girl was doing the plates, Kid popped into his bedroom once. Lou was sleeping, but as she was still running a temperature, he had to wake her up to feed her the medicine she always used when somebody in the family fell sick. Louise declined to have anything to eat, and closed her eyes again even before Kid was gone.

Later when Janey and the boys were already in bed, Kid climbed the stairs to his bedroom, carrying Ginnie in his arms. The toddler had been acting up, probably because she missed her mother, so it hadn't been easy for Kid to calm her down and put her to sleep. In the bedroom Kid left his youngest daughter in her cot, and after quickly stripping down to his long johns, he got into bed. Lou's deep intakes of air obviously told him that she was profoundly sleeping. Kid pressed his lips against her forehead, and made a face when he realized the fever was not gone, and he muttered to himself that he would call the doctor tomorrow if Lou was still running a temperature.

The following morning as Kid slowly woke up, he yawned and still with half-open eyes, he called his wife's name several times. "How are you feeling, Lou?" he muttered. The reply to his question came out in the form of a grunt, and Kid stretched his arm to touch his wife's forehead. She was sweating and as soon as he brushed his hand over her skin, he noticed she was burning.

"Lou!" he called eagerly, jumping from the bed as if the sheets were on fire. Opening the drapes with a strong pull, he ran to his wife's side. She was shivering under the bedding, her forehead glistening with sweat, and on closer inspection he noticed a rash that spread all over her throat. "Oh God," Kid breathed, and his voice managed to penetrate into her tired mind this time, and she opened her eyes a crack.

"Kid," she managed to utter very weakly. "I feel rotten."

"I know, honey," he whispered, caressing her feverish face. "I'll call the doctor now. Try to rest. You're gonna get well soon."

Lou closed her eyes, and faster than ever before, Kid managed to jump into his pants and slid into his shirt. Then he picked up Ginnie from her cot, careful not to wake her, and dashed out of the bedroom. At the end of the corridor he knocked on Janey's door before opening and poking his head inside. His daughter was rubbing her eyes as she sat up in bed. "Pa?" she called with an unhappy expression.

"Janey, your ma's very sick, and …"

His words alarmed the girl and the remainder of her sleep vanished instantly. "What's wrong with Ma?"

"I don't know," Kid admitted. "I'll bring the doctor now. I'll come back as soon as possible. Please honey, look after Ginnie, and if your brothers wake up, don't let them go into our bedroom, all right?"

Kid returned from town with the doctor in tow about half an hour ago. On the way to the ranch Dr. Maxwell had spoken his suspicions that Louise might be suffering from scarlet fever after the description of symptoms Kid had provided him with. It was not the only case in town, and the physician told Kid that the Morgan children were all sick, the most serious cases found in the youngest ones. Kid hoped he was wrong, but he knew the odds were against him. Lou and Mrs. Morgan weren't actually friends, but both women belonged to the school committee, and from time to time they got together to discuss school matters. Kid knew that Lou had been at the Morgans' farm last week, but he hoped that was just a coincidence. Scarlet fever could often be fatal, but Kid told himself that he wouldn't go down that road.

Dr. Maxwell followed Kid to the bedroom, and as the physician examined Lou, the man realized that she was in the same condition and the rash he had only noticed around her neck also spread down her arms and also her legs. To Kid's chagrin, the doctor confirmed his initial diagnosis, and instructed him what he should do. The main thing would be to isolate Lou from everybody, especially the children, and then they needed to bring the fever down. Dr. Maxwell prescribed a medical preparation as well as a strict diet, and he would check on Lou later in the day.

The physician insisted on carrying an examination on Kid and the children in case the disease had been passed onto anybody in the family. Dr. Maxwell did not find anything wrong with Kid, which was expected since the man had already suffered from a slight case of the illness when he was a child. As the doctor carried on examining the children, Kid silently prayed that they were spared. He was already frantic with worry, fearing what might happen to his wife. His three oldest children looked scared and kept asking how Ma was. Kid did not know what to tell them, but at least, the doctor concluded that the children did not show any symptoms of the fever, at least, not yet.

The children could not stay in the house. The girls went to stay with Rachel and her husband, and even though Buck had offered his home for the boys, Kid had objected as Dr. Maxwell had reminded him that it was known that since the children had been in contact with Lou, they might transmit the disease even if they did not have it themselves. So fearing for little Ike, Kid had asked Teaspoon to take in his two sons while Lou was sick.

In the silent house Kid remained in the bedroom, watching over Lou like a hawk, hoping she would come out of this new ordeal safe and sound. She looked so sick and frail as she fought the devastating fever she was a victim of. Her sleep was restless, and she kept moaning. At some point she had woken up and as Kid had come closer, all Lou had whispered was _'the children'_, and Kid had assured her they were fine, and she shouldn't worry. Lou closed her eyes, and even though he did not know whether she heard his words, Kid kept saying she was going to get better soon and silently prayed that he was telling the truth. The idea that this unexpected sickness might snatch Lou out of his life was unthinkable, and Kid did not even want to contemplate the possibility. His wife couldn't die; he needed her just like his lungs needed air to survive, or like the earth needed rainwater to bloom in spring. His Lou, his soul mate could not go; they were supposed to grow old together, support each other when the children started leaving, and welcome the grandchildren when they started coming. This was the plan, and he couldn't do this alone. Lou was his life, and he couldn't accept that this damn fever could kill her. He had to be positive. She was going to be fine; she had to be.

* * *

In the scanty rooms he inhabited, in his old range Teaspoon was busy cooking some good steaks he had got from Tompkins. The oven was also working full-steam as it baked some biscuits he had managed to make the dough for. Teaspoon hardly used the range in his lodgings since it was a rare occasion for him to eat his meals there. Most often than not, Lou or Rachel brought him some of their cooked food when he was on duty, and when he was not working, he usually shared the dinner table with his family, especially at Kid and Lou's.

As Teaspoon hovered over the range, he could not stop thinking about Louise. After talking to Kid, the marshal feared that Lou was in a very delicate condition, and worry flooded all his self. Lou was a strong woman, and he wanted to believe that she was going to be fine. It wouldn't be fair for a young woman like Louise to pass away while an old fox like himself remained on this earth. That couldn't be fair, and he needed to keep the faith. Despair would not help anybody, especially himself.

Tossing a look over his shoulder, Teaspoon had a look at the two boys who were sitting at his table and waiting for dinner. The children were logically more subdued than usual, and neither had spoken a word for hours. That was not strange in Jed, who was a very shy and quiet boy, but it was so odd for mischief-maker Mattie to be so silent and passive. Teaspoon was reluctant to admit it, but the truth was that he was nervous about having the two children under his care. It was the first time he had to look after such young children alone, and the circumstances under which he had to undertake the task didn't make it easier. Naturally, Teaspoon loved these two boys as if they were his grandchildren. Actually, they already called him grandpa, and because of the deep love he professed them, Teaspoon had not doubted for one moment to agree to take them in when Kid had asked him. Yet, he knew his home was not the perfect environment for two children. He only had one bed which he would leave for the two boys, so that meant he would have to sleep on one of his chairs. That did not worry him either because he was used to dozing anywhere. In fact, he was often laughed at in the family, a common joke being that he could fall asleep on his two feet. Apart from the scanty space in his lodgings, he was not sure he knew how to look after young children. He couldn't cook, and he was clueless about what the boys might expect from him. In any case, the present situation was exceptional, and he was happy to give Kid a hand with the children.

"Dinner's ready, boys," Teaspoon announced as he transferred the meat onto the plates and added the biscuits, which had come out better than he had anticipated. "My cooking ain't nearly as good as your Ma's, but I don't think it's totally inedible."

Teaspoon placed the plates before the boys, and sat down between them. As it was his custom, he tucked a napkin into the collar of his shirt and grabbed the knife and fork, ready to attack the juicy steak. Yet, as he looked at Jed, he noticed the boy staring at his food but made no attempt to start. "What's wrong, Jed? Don't you like the meat?" The boy nodded, and the marshal added, "Then what is it?"

"Pa and Ma usually cut the meat into little pieces for me. I'm not allowed to use a knife," Jed explained.

"Oh sure… sure," Teaspoon exclaimed, feeling clumsy and ignorant. "That ain't a problem." Moving Jed's plate, he carefully diced the steak into tiny bits, and when he finished, he pushed the plate back before the boy. "All done now." Turning his eyes to the other side where Matt sat, he also realized that the nine-year-old wasn't eating either. "Shall I cut the meat for ya too, Mattie?" The boy shook his head, and the marshal insisted, "Then why ain't you eatin'?"

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but instead of his voice, a sob escaped his lips as tears cascaded down his face. Right away the marshal left his seat and despite his bad knee, he managed to squat before the boy. "Mattie…"

"I don't want Ma to die!" the boy wailed loudly, cutting Teaspoon off, and on hearing him, little Jed started whimpering too. "I don't want her to die!"

Teaspoon sighed, and rested his hand on the boy's tense shoulder. "Matt, gettin' yourself so worked up ain't good. You're upsettin' your brother, and who said anythin' about your ma dyin'?"

"I heard Pa telling Aunt Rachel that Ma had scarlet fever," the boy continued in a calmer tone, but the tears still rolled down his cheeks. "Last year that girl from school… Mary Nichols died of the fever, and … and I'm scared."

Teaspoon nodded. "It's logical to be scared, Matt. But do you honestly believe a wee little fever can defeat your mother? Your Ma ain't any woman… she's strong and amazingly brave. Don't you know all those stories your parents always tell ya about the time they rode for the Express? Those ain't just silly stories, but as true as the Holy Bible. Your Ma lived very dangerous times, and I was there to see her come up victorious, and I'm certain this time won't be any different."

The boy was hiccupping and trembling. "Do… do you believe that?"

"Sure I do. Before you think, your Ma will be givin' you a big hug and lots of kisses."

"I miss her," Jed said in a very tiny voice.

"I know you do, son."

"And Pa… even Ginnie," Jed continued.

Teaspoon had to smile at the sweet innocence of the boy, but silently he was going through a real turmoil inside. He hoped he was telling the truth because if something happened to Lou, the blow these two boys would receive would be twice as powerful when their hopes would crash down. "You'll soon be all together again," Teaspoon assured them. "And now let's fill our bellies with this food. You boys don't want your mother to give this old fox a lecture and a flick on my ears for not feedin' you properly, do ya?"

The two boys shook their heads simultaneously and Teaspoon clumsily struggled back to his feet. As he sank down on his chair once again, his hand rubbed his sore knee that complained from supporting his weight all this time. The marshal smiled as his two little guests started eating, and he dug in as well. As he was munching his second mouthful of meat, a little voice interrupted him. "Grandpa Teaspoon!" Teaspoon turned to Jed, who was looking at him with big eyes, and as the boy noticed his eyes on him, he said, "You also love my Ma, don't you?"

Teaspoon gave a sad smile as he muttered, "More than anything."

* * *

At the end of the second night Lou's fever broke, and to Kid's delight the doctor finally announced the news that he had been longing for. Lou had now better possibilities to recover and pull through. The last couple of days had been a nightmare, and now Kid could see a little light at the end of the dark tunnel he had been so lost in. Worry about Lou had been constant and still didn't leave him as well as his concern about the children's health. He was aware that there was a real possibility that they might have contracted the same nasty illness that Lou was suffering from. The doctor came round to examine them every day, and when in his daily visit to Kid's, he assured that the children did not show any symptoms of being anything but healthy, the rancher almost cried in relief.

The same day Dr. Maxwell smiled his good news Lou even stayed awake for a while and managed to talk. Her main concern was the children, and Kid kept assuring her that they were fine, which was the truth. Little by little the shadow that had threatened Lou's life so scaringly started to vanish, and she started feeling better. Her healing was slow which was normal in those cases, and her isolation and bed confinement lasted for a few weeks. Following the doctor's instructions, Kid had burned most of Lou's clothes and personal objects as well as his to avoid further contamination.

It was in the middle of the third week that the doctor gave the thumbs up to have the children back home. Relief flooded through Kid, finally believing that his wife was actually on the mend and their life would now go back to normal. Kid had visited the children every day since the doctor had assured him there was no danger they might get infected. Janey and the boys kept asking when they could return home, and Lou was also restless about the children. So the doctor's go-ahead was like rain after a drought, and even though Lou still remained in bed since she was weak and needed to restore her strength, the idea of having her family all together again made her shine and seemed to be more effective than the medicines she had been taking.

Teaspoon drove the buckboard to the ranch while Matt and Jed sat in the wagon seat next to him. Since the moment he had told them they could go back home today, they had been nervous and talking incessantly, even shy Jed. The marshal had stopped briefly to pick up a letter, and then the three had set off for the ranch. In these weeks the children had been as good as gold and even Matt, who had a reputation for being a mischief-maker, had been on his best behavior. The boy had been so worried about Lou that he had been unusually quiet. Thankfully, thought Teaspoon, Lou was on her way to recovery, and everything would be fine. The marshal, though, would miss the two boys. Although at the beginning he had been insecure around his little guests and there had been a few awkward situations in which the children actually had to tell him what to do, Teaspoon knew he was going to miss them.

On the way to the ranch Teaspoon kept telling the two brothers they should behave at home because Ma wasn't completely well and needed her rest. Yet, when he stopped the wagon, he foresaw Matt's intentions to bolt away, and grabbed him by his braces. "Mattie, didn't you hear a word I said? You can't just barge into the house like a train engine at full steam."

"I can't wait to see Ma," the boy remonstrated.

"I know, son, and you'll lay eyes on her in a minute. Patience is a virtue, Matt, and it never hurt no man to cultivate their own patience. That'll make your Ma and Pa very proud."

Matt frowned and Jed smiled from ear to ear. The three of them walked to the house, and when Teaspoon knocked and nobody answered, he dared to open the door. "Hello?" he called. "Anybody home?"

"Up here, Teaspoon," Kid's voice resounded from up the stairs, and his head showed up at the balustrade upstairs. "Bring the children up to our bedroom."

Despite the marshal's previous words and before either of the adults could thwart his intentions, Matt shot up the stairs at full speed as soon as he saw his father, and naturally, Jed copied him and rushed after him. The boys gave Kid a quick hug and continued down the corridor. "Don't run!" Kid called after them, but the two boys turned a deaf ear to him.

Matt reached the bedroom first and pushed the door open. "Ma!" he called eagerly as he dashed into the bedroom. Before Lou could react, Matt had lurched towards the bed, jumped onto it and hugged her strongly. Soon Jed had also hooked his little arms around the space in Lou's body left by his brother. Propped up against the headboard, Lou smiled and wrapped her arms around her two sons.

"Oh my boys! My lovely boys!" Lou exclaimed in a weak voice.

Matt forced his face from her chest and looked up. "Are you now well, Ma?"

"Yes, much better, especially now that you're with me," Lou whispered.

The bedroom was densely populated today. Rachel had brought the girls, and sat in a chair while Janey stood with Ginnie in her arms. Minutes before Lou had welcomed her two girls with a shower of hugs and kisses, especially her baby daughter who she thought was too young to be without her mother. Rachel had told her that even though Ginnie was unable to grasp what was happening around her or why she was in somebody else's home, she kept sending strange looks at everything around her and asking 'Ma?' constantly.

"Boys, don't strain your mother too much," Kid said as he stepped into the bedroom, followed by Teaspoon.

"It's all right, Kid," Lou contradicted her husband. "I've missed them so much that I can't get enough hugs from my beautiful boys."

"How are you, sweetheart?" Teaspoon asked, smiling in her direction.

"Much better, thankfully."

"You gave us quite a scare," the marshal continued.

Louise nodded while she gave Jed a hand to jump off the bed when he got bored. Yet, Matt remained by her side, sitting close to her and not making the least attempt to unhook his arms around her middle. "I know, but I feel much better."

"And if Dr. Maxwell agrees, tomorrow we'll have you downstairs with us," Kid added.

"But don't think of moving a finger, Louise McCloud. We've known you too long, and we have a pretty good idea what your little head is plotting," Rachel warned her.

Lou gave her a weak smile. "Don't worry. I know I have to be patient and get back to full health… for my family."

"I always knew you were a very clever girl," Teaspoon quipped, and everybody else in the room agreed with smiles. The conversation flowed as, despite feeling tired, Lou did not want anybody to go and kept asking questions about what had been going on while she had been sick. Teaspoon gave her a full account of the boys' behavior, and Janey told her mother about every little new thing her young sister had managed to do in these weeks. Ginnie was learning to take her first steps, and laughing, Janey explained that lately her adorable sister had started to walk unassisted and wander off around the room when she knew nobody was looking. That had made her take a few stumbles, and her tender knees had already suffered the impact of her thirst for independence.

"Your little'un seems to take up after her ma," Teaspoon commented, chuckling at the same time. "I won't be surprised if in a few years she starts wearin' pants and sneakin' into the stables to ride one of your horses."

"Oh the joy!" Lou remarked bitterly.

"Honey, you know what they say: what goes around comes around," Kid added in a teasing tone, but sobered as he said, "You girls are gonna be my death one day."

"I already warned you, Kid," Teaspoon chaffed, slapping him on the back. "Women!" As the word left his mouth, he suddenly remembered something. "By the way, today I got a letter. You can't imagine who's goin' to pay us a little visit quite soon."

Lou's face lit up, imagining that the marshal meant either Jimmy or Cody. It had been months since either of them had been seen in Rock Creek. The last time they had all been together had been for Rachel's wedding, and since then they had only heard from Cody, who wrote very long letters without fail, but Jimmy remained in his part of the world as silent as a church mouse, which wasn't so strange since that was his way.

"Who?" Rachel asked, her thoughts going in the same direction as Lou's.

Teaspoon smiled from ear to ear as he said, "Amanda."

"Oh," Lou could not help to utter in disappointment, but she managed to compose herself, and said, "That's… great."

Kid noticed the low tone in his wife's tone, and her words had such unenthusiastic pitch that clearly contrasted their meaning. Kid was aware what Teaspoon's announcement had led everybody to think, so it was logical that disappointment had hit Lou strongly. Besides, his wife had never seen eye to eye with Amanda. They had a civil relationship on the few occasions they had seen each other, but it was Lou who had kept a cold distance. Kid knew that the reason came from far back, and despite the long years that had passed, Lou still remembered the incident with the Pike's band, and how Amanda had betrayed and given her away so shamelessly. Kid agreed with her that Amanda could not have known how far Pike could have gone, and Lou might have ended up dead, and actually, she almost did. Amanda's actions were reproachable to say the least, but Kid also thought that they should get past that and forget. Lou always said that she had forgotten, but the truth is that she still kept her distance.

"And when is she coming?" Rachel asked.

"Next week she'll be here," Teaspoon replied, beaming happily. "Naturally, not only her, but also Adrian. She can't leave the boy behind," the marshal added, chuckling.

"How old is he now, Teaspoon?" Kid asked.

"Just like your Jed, I reckon. He's already a big boy," the marshal replied, and on hearing him, five-year-old Jed beamed proudly as he hugged his father's legs shyly.

"We'll be glad to have her here," Rachel commented. "We haven't seen her in ages, and you Teaspoon, it's been almost a year since you last visited her, hasn't it? I imagine you're looking forward to seeing her again."

The marshal smiled as he confirmed the woman's words. "I can't wait."


	2. Chapter 2

A cloud of dust hovered in the room, turning the air into a look-alike layer of mist. In the background powerful whacks resounded, which drowned the insistent knocks at the front door. After rapping her knuckles on the surface of the rackety door for minutes, Lou dared to turn the knob and poked her head inside. "Teaspoon?"

The thumps stopped momentarily, and the marshal's gruff voice was heard. "Come on in, honey!"

Louise flapped her free hand as she walked inside when a cloud of dust welcomed her and made her cough. Her right hand balanced Ginnie secured against her grip while little Jed followed her with slow steps. Inside his rooms, Teaspoon held a carpet beater he repeatedly flog against the bare mattress of his double bed, which was causing all the dust particles to raise and fill the room. "Teaspoon, what's this? Spring cleaning?" Lou remarked in amusement.

"It was high time I gave this place a good ole scrubbin' and dustin'. I can't believe how much dirt can pile up if you tend to be on the careless side," he quipped, and after a pause, he added, "I'm surprised to see ya here."

"I've brought you some lunch," Lou said, placing the wicker basket dangling from her arm on a free chair. The little girl was getting restless and kept fidgeting in Lou's arms, which made the task of holding her twice as difficult. Louise finally released and placed her on the floor, and Ginnie instantly waddled away in her still inexperienced little legs to the other side of the room. "Jed, go and play with your sister. You're a big boy, and make sure she doesn't take a tumble, my love," Lou softly said, affectionately touching her son's nose.

"You shouldn't've bothered, Lou," Teaspoon said, which drew the woman's attention back to him. "But what surprises me is that you're already back on your feet," he added, looking Louise up and down. The disease in whose claws she had recently been had left her extremely thin and gaunt. Her cheeks that had filled after all her pregnancies were hollowed and pale; there were still rings under her eyes, and the dress she was wearing hung too loose on her almost emaciated body.

Lou scowled, unhappy to hear the words that everybody had repeatedly told her today after she had left the prison her own home had become in the last weeks. "I'm fine, Teaspoon, and Dr. Maxwell said I could go back to my usual routines."

"But you shouldn't overdo yourself, honey. I'm sure Kid…"

"Kid nothing!" Lou exclaimed, obviously irritated. "He's aware we have a family… four children who need us, both of us! And they're our priority, so he knows better than say a word."

Lou's reaction obviously revealed that she and Kid had already had a disagreement that morning. The years hadn't changed the couple too much in that sense. Kid still fussed over his wife as if they were still newlyweds, and Lou had not lost that independent streak of hers that she prided herself so much in. Anyone would wonder how these two had such a long marriage with such apparently opposing personalities, but somehow Kid and Lou had managed to compromise, and made concessions for each other.

"Lou, Kid's just worried about ya… we all are," Teaspoon said, bringing Lou's basket to a table and taking out the covered plate with his lunch. "You've been very sick, honey."

The marshal's words managed to disarm Lou, and defeated, she dropped on one of the chairs. "I know that, but I'm fine. I really am."

The marshal just nodded. "I'm just sayin' you need to take it easy, that's all," he said as he grabbed the fork, ready to attack the meat Lou had brought him. As his mouth tasted the first forkful, the marshal made an exaggerated sound of approval and added, "This is heaven, Lou. You spoil this old geezer rotten… what would I do without you?"

Louise smiled. Watching Teaspoon eat was a delight and a real compliment to her cooking, a real boost to her confidence. Her eyes seesawed between the marshal and the two children who were quietly playing in a corner. Jed had found a small rag ball in his pocket and tossed it to his sister, who kept dropping it to the floor among giggles.

"So what's this sudden urge to clean your nest now, Teaspoon?" Lou asked when the marshal had eaten half his lunch. "Is it Amanda's visit?"

"She's comin' in two days, and I don't want her to think I live in a pigsty," Teaspoon explained. "This ain't no palace, but I can't have her and Adrian think the worst."

Lou shook her head. The rooms where Teaspoon had lived for decades were decaying, and even though Lou, Kid, and Buck had often asked him to move out of his deteriorating lodgings and live with them on the ranch, Teaspoon had always refused.

"I think you're exaggerating. This ain't so bad, and _we_ don't think the worst about you."

"She's stayin' at the hotel, anyway," Teaspoon remarked as he munched another bite of meat and soft vegetables.

Lou kept quiet for a bit and then said, "It's been a long time since I last saw her. It was when we went to her wedding… I was expecting my Jed then."

"Oh yeah," Teaspoon replied in a vague voice, shaking his head from side to side.

"But I better not mention that wedding to her, naturally," Lou muttered in a low voice. It was public knowledge that Amanda's dreamlike husband had abandoned her for another woman barely over a year after their wedding. Their baby had just been born when the man had walked out and never looked back. "How's she coping, Teaspoon?"

"Amanda is a strong woman. It's hard to raise a child on your own, but she has no other option. I know she was bitter and very unhappy for a while but she's doin' better now."

"But she hasn't heard from him at all in all these years?" Teaspoon shook his head ruefully, and Lou let out a deep sigh. "I can't understand how some men can act so despicably!" she exclaimed. "They have a child in common. How can he not care about his son?"

"I dunno, Lou. Some men are simply heartless."

"A child is something so huge, Teaspoon. They're such an overwhelming part of your soul that you can't even express it with words!" Lou enthused passionately.

"I've heard the same speech from all mothers."

"But I know Kid feels the same. His children are his whole life, and he'd die for every one of them. And I'm pretty sure Buck feels the same for his… even for Billy, who's not his flesh and blood."

"You and Ellen are lucky to have such good men by your side, and that's the way it should always be. But I'm afraid Amanda just got herself a bad piece… somebody who only cared for himself… a selfish, unscrupulous piranha. If you ask me, they're better off without him."

Lou nodded. "That's what my ma must've thought when she took us away from my father," she sighed.

Teaspoon ate the rest of his lunch in silence, and as he wiped his mouth with the napkin Lou had also brought him, he said, "Simply delicious. Thanks a lot, dear. And now back to work and this cleanin' business."

"Let me help you. If we do it together, we'll finish this in no time."

"Lou…"

"Please, Teaspoon, I'm fine. And I can't let you make a bad impression when Amanda comes here, can I?" Louise said with a crooked smile. Teaspoon did not move and looked uncertain, but Lou jumped to her feet, grabbed a rag, and started dusting the scarce furniture diligently. When she noticed the marshal was still unmoving at the table, she stopped and exclaimed teasingly, "Teaspoon, come on! Get a move on, lazy bones!"

The old marshal started tittering in amusement, and lifted his tired body from the chair. "You're impossible, did you know that?" he said as he followed her lead and resumed beating the mattress of the dust that it still contained.

Louise threw her head back as she laughed. "I've been called worse. And now stop the chit-chat, and let us make you proud of your little abode. When we finish, everything will shine so much that we might get blinded. And now down to work."

Both Lou and Teaspoon kept laughing and joking, and it was true that sooner than the man had anticipated the rooms were sparkling and without a speck of dust, just looking forward to the visit of lovely Amanda and her child.

* * *

Like usual, the stagecoach got to Rock Creek late, and Teaspoon had to wait almost an hour before he could spot a cloud of dust rising at the other end of the town, announcing its arrival. Amanda got off to the welcoming arms of the marshal. They joined in a warm hug. The little boy stood next to his ma, staring at Teaspoon warily. Many months had gone by since the marshal's last visit, and the boy remembered him vaguely. Yet, a few wisecracks from the man which made Adrian laugh managed to conquer the child's heart in a few moments.

Teaspoon helped Amanda settle in her hotel room, and after mother and child freshened up and rested some, the marshal treated them to a scrumptious meal at the restaurant. Amanda was all smiles as she listened to Teaspoon's peculiar stories as he updated her about life in Rock Creek and its people over lunch. It had been too long since she felt this relaxed, and apart from Adrian, nothing much made her smile, let alone laugh. Only when Teaspoon had visited her in recent years, her mood had perked up. Amanda admitted it was silly to feel wretched all the time. It was almost five years since Kyle had left her high and dry, and she should have got over it by now. Yet, that individual event had shaken her so hard that the feelings of bitterness and uncertainty had become ingrained in her very soul. Her usual confidence was gone, and she felt very insecure as a woman, distrusting all men and envying all ladies.

After lunch, Teaspoon drove Amanda and the boy to the ranch that Kid, Lou, and Buck co-owned. The visit to Buck's place was quite brief since the family was surprised by some other unexpected visitors, so Teaspoon and Amanda bid their goodbyes and headed for Lou's place. Kid and Louise received the newcomers with warmth and smiles. Adrian soon scurried away to play with the McCloud children who he instantly befriended. The three boys acted as if they had known each other all their young lives instead of having been strangers until a few minutes before. The adults settled in the living room where Lou served some coffee and cookies she had baked that morning. Amanda politely asked Louise after her health after Teaspoon had mentioned about Lou being recently inflicted by scarlet fever, and of course Lou repeated what she told everybody. She was fine and felt better, which was the truth. Then the four adults delved into casual conversation, about work on the ranch, the children, and even the weather. Kid and Lou expressed their interest about Amanda, naturally avoiding touching the topic of her failed marriage.

After an hour or so, it was time to go back, and even though Lou invited Amanda to stay for dinner, she declined, pointing that what she needed was a good rest after the long journey in the stagecoach. Logically, Adrian protested after learning he had to say goodbye to his new friends.

The door closed behind the visitors, and as Lou returned to the living room where she had left her husband, she commented, "I couldn't imagine Amanda being a mother, but I'm surprised she sounds so motherly. She has clearly matured, and her boy is lovely."

Kid nodded in agreement. "It's a shame that child has to grow up without a father."

"Well, it's that idiot's loss, ain't it?" Lou remarked with a bitter expression.

Kid bobbed his head up and down. "Hopefully, one day she might find a good man who'll be ready to accept Adrian as his own."

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "Yes, but after her disastrous marriage I'd be more than reluctant to let a man in my life." She sighed, and as her eyes shifted, there was a beautiful, flowery shawl on the chair Amanda had been sitting on. "Oh she forgot that," she exclaimed, picking up the piece of material. "They can't have left yet. I'll take it back."

Before Kid could react, Louise rushed out of the house, ran across the yard, and as she reached the stables, she heard Teaspoon's voice. Relieved they hadn't left yet, Louise was about to step in the stables when her name being uttered in the conversation Amanda and the marshal were having stopped her. Lou was not one to eavesdrop, but her curiosity got the best of her, and as she inched closer to the door, she could hear what they were saying more clearly.

"What about Lou?" Teaspoon asked as he fastened one of the buckles around the horse's body.

"She looks like death warmed over. For a moment I thought she was going to fall dead in the middle of her living room."

"I told ya. She's been sick for weeks, but she's better now," Teaspoon explained. "All she needs now is to get back her strength and flesh."

"Mind you, you have to admit she was never a beauty, but now… she's beyond hideous."

Teaspoon sighed, and looked up. "Please Amanda, don't be cruel."

The woman turned a deaf ear to the marshal's comment and continued her harangue regardless. "It's rather surprising that Kid's still with her. To be perfectly honest, I never understood how he married her in the first place. Not only does she lack the looks a fine woman must have, but she was never very feminine or graceful."

_Here we go again_, Teaspoon thought. Since the fiasco in her marriage, Amanda had turned all haughty and looked down on any woman who was lucky enough to have a good husband by their side. When he had last visited her, he had stoically heard her disparage about all the women she came across, and that had not changed. After their visit to Buck, as they had crossed the yard to Lou's house, Amanda had been going on and on about how Buck had married a woman like Ellen who had so much baggage and a son by another man. Now it seemed the turn fell on Lou. Teaspoon could understand Amanda's bitterness and even jealousy of other women who had successful marriages, so that was why he never said much about her harsh words because deep down they did not mean anything.

"Amanda, nobody can deny that Kid was totally in love with her when they got married. There was nobody for him but Lou."

"Maybe you're right, but that naturally wilts with time. I imagine they're still together out of habit, or for the children, and not because they share some all-consuming passion. One look at her now, and the truth is plainly written there. Kid's still quite an attractive man, and if no other woman has caught his eye, it must be because with the passel of children she's burdened him with, the poor man can't have time for anything else, let alone find himself a new woman."

"Amanda, you totally shock me!" Teaspoon exclaimed. "You can't talk about things you know nothin' about!"

Lou never heard Teaspoon's last sentences or the firm rebuke that followed as he stated that there was no way he would allow her to disrespect Lou or Kid in that way. He had kept quiet on other occasions because he had imagined that her putting-down words were a way of venting her frustration, but the marshal just could not bite his tongue, hearing Amanda judge those he loved so unfairly. After his reproof, Amanda had looked visibly ashamed and had apologized. "It wasn't my intention to bad-mouth Louise. It was just a comment. Forgive me if I've offended you, Teaspoon. I often let my tongue loose without thinking."

"You haven't offended me, Amanda, but Lou and Kid are my family, and …"

"You love them to bits, I see," the woman finished the thought for him. "Haven't seen you defend somebody so fiercely… and I deserved it."

"I'd do the same for you… you know what I always say, nothing's more sacred than family."

While Teaspoon and Amanda had been sorting out their disagreement over the woman's words, Louise had marched away, grunting under her breath. Amanda's shawl was still in her hold, and she squeezed it strongly as if she had the woman's neck between her hands. Lou was seething with fury after she had heard Amanda. Outside the stables, Lou spied a pail of tar which the men had used to protect the wagon wheels, and without any qualms, she shoved the shawl into the dark, thick liquid. A stick poked out of the pail, and she used it to sink the material deeper into the tar and as she stir the sticky material, she played the words she had heard, and fury soared.

It was not only the woman she was absolutely livid with, but she was hurt and bitterly disappointed in Teaspoon. Not a single syllable had come out from his mouth in her defense… the man who she considered a father had just listened impassively to all that hogwash about her and had not said anything… nothing at all. Lou did not understand how he seemed to almost agree with what Amanda had said. Was he so blind when that woman was around that everything else became invisible and unimportant? Was that what he and everybody else thought about her? Did everyone think her marriage was a farce and that Kid would be much better off with somebody else? Louise swore that she would not let those malicious comments doubt herself and her marriage. She and Kid were happy and still in love, and nobody knew anything. However, a little tempting voice was already whispering wickedly in her head, and as she stared at the beautiful shawl buried in the pitch black liquid, she could hear that voice more clearly as it asked, _"Would there possibly be some truth in those words after all?"_

* * *

That night Lou sat before her dresser in her nightgown as she unbraided her hair and untangled the knots in her tresses. With powerful strokes she brushed her mane as her eyes stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her mind could not mute Amanda's scorning words which kept playing over and over again. Lou was unable to forget what she had happened to overhear, and her mood seesawed between sheer fury, disappointment, and bitterness. That woman had the nerve to scorn and mock her when she had opened her home to her with smiles and warm candor. How dare she pass judgment on her and her husband?

Louise sighed and put the brush down as she studied her face in the mirror. It was true that she was way too thin and still looked sick. Her cheekbones were too pronounced, and the pallor of her skin was evident, she mused as her hand brushed against her face. This was the image everybody now saw, and Lou admitted Amanda might have a point there. She was a totally ghastly sight, and no man would look at her twice… maybe not even her own husband. Amanda had not changed much over the years; she still bore that brilliant radiance over her, filling those beautiful dresses she favored and flaunting a beautiful mane of dark hair. In comparison Lou felt and looked like a starved pauper.

Soft steps resounded in the silence of the house, and Lou picked up the brush again as Kid stepped in the bedroom they had shared for seventeen years. As she continued brushing her hair, she studied her husband in the mirror. He walked straight to the bed where his nightshirt lay, and started to undo his shirt buttons. "Gosh, I'm so tired," he muttered as his eyes followed his fingers working on his buttons. "I could sleep for a week."

Lou's hand had stopped her motions as she gazed at the figure of Kid in the mirror. To her chagrin he had not turned his eyes to look at her since he had stepped into the bedroom. An audible sigh escaped her lips, which drew Kid's attention at once. He turned around, and noticed the strange expression of her face reflected on the shining surface of the mirror. Kid mused that Lou had been acting oddly at dinnertime as well; she had hardly said a word, and when she had spoken, she had sounded and looked too subdued.

Kid took a few steps closer to her, and asked, "Lou, is there something wrong?"

Louise kept quiet for a few seconds, and her body swirled on the stool she was sitting on so that she could look into his eyes directly. "Yes," she whispered.

Kid frowned in concern. Pulling another chair closer to her, he sat down and took her hand in his. "Tell me about it, Lou."

Louise drew a deep breath, but did not rush to talk. Despite the torturous thoughts she had been tormented by, she felt daft to question the truths she believed in, which a silly woman's words had made waver. It sounded so feeble and ridiculous, but she needed to get it off her chest. The idea that Teaspoon had hardly defended her against that woman also weighed in her mind, and she wondered what that implied.

Lou sighed once again. "Kid," she started hesitatingly. "Uh… imagine we got to meet now instead of all these years ago. What would happen then?"

"Happen?" Kid echoed in confusion.

"Between you and me," Lou elaborated, and when Kid did not speak up, she grew irritated, and snapped, "Just say it. You wouldn't look at me twice, would you? I've become so homely that all I can inspire from you is nothing but pity. I…"

"Will you stop talking nonsense, Lou? What the heck is wrong with you?" Kid cut her off, hating to see her doubting herself or the strong bond that had been forged between them over the years.

"I just want to know if my husband still likes me as a woman."

Kid stared at her dumbfounded. "Do you really want me to answer that?" he asked, and her silence and deep glance responded his question meaningfully. Kid sighed, and kept thoughtful for a few seconds. "Lou, when I fell for you, it was for more reasons than your pretty face. You were so beautiful to me even dressed like a boy, and you captivated me completely because I could see a lot more in you than most people."

"And what about now?" Lou insisted stubbornly.

"You're my everything, Lou… I can't think of my life without you in it."

"But I look hideous," she whispered.

"No, you don't."

"Oh come on, Kid! I have eyes, and the mirror doesn't fool me!" she exclaimed annoyed. "All men like pretty women, and you're a man. Surely you'll feast your eyes with all the beautiful women when you go to town, and think what a hag you have at home!"

Kid was totally flabbergasted and shocked by the way Lou was speaking. It was not the first time his wife had looked down on herself, but this was too much even for herself. "Will you stop that?" he said in a categorical tone. "First, you're precious to me, and you're beautiful… for me there's nobody as precious as you. Lou, you've been sick and lost weight, but that's all, and when you gain some pounds, you'll look the same you did before falling ill." Kid paused, let out his breath, and added, "And secondly, I want to know what this is about... Why all of a sudden are you rambling about all this hogwash?"

"I… I overheard Amanda tell Teaspoon something," she stuttered, feeling silly and totally childish for overreacting and pouring her stupid questions to Kid.

"What thing?"

"She… she was saying it was odd you're still married to me when I don't have the charms expected in a woman."

"And what the hell does she know about us, Lou?" Kid exclaimed roughly. "Who is she to pass judgment on what we do or don't do? How many times have we seen her over the years? Five or six? And even in those times I've hardly talked to her much, and now she thinks she knows what I feel for my wife?"

Lou lowered her eyes, feeling worse and worse by the minute. "You're right."

"What annoys me, Lou, is that you let the words of a mere acquaintance get to you and fill your head with doubts. We've been married for seventeen years, and that means something, at least for me."

"For me too," Lou replied, putting as much conviction in her words as possible.

"I never ask myself if you love me, because I know you do. You've shown me plenty of times over the years."

Louise sighed morosely. "I know you love me too."

"Do you? I'm starting to doubt that," Kid said in a low voice, keeping his eyes downcast.

"Please Kid. I was stupid to bring it up. Can we forget about this?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that," he said, and when he lifted his eyes back to her, she noticed the mischief and longing that she knew too well. Walking closer to her, he took her hand and gently pulled her to her feet. "Now we need to prove how very wrong or right Amanda is… Let me show you how unattractive and unappealing I find you." His lips came to kiss hers hotly and passionately while his fingers sneaked between both their bodies and started to undo the belt of her robe.

Lou let herself follow his lead, and as they kissed, Kid's feet started to move towards their bed, steering his wife along. Among kisses, Louise managed to say, "I thought you were too tired and longed for a good night sleep."

Kid stopped and looked into her eyes. "And I plan to get even more tired… how better can I fall asleep but with the nice feeling of having loved my pretty wife?" Lou chuckled but the laughter died on her lips as Kid resumed his attack on her as he led her to a realm that she was already familiar with but she adored and felt like a queen in.


	3. Chapter 3

Since Amanda arrived in Rock Creek a few days ago, Teaspoon's visits to the ranch became nil. The marshal spent all his free time with her, which was logical and expected. Louise had not tried to favor an encounter with him after the conversation she had heard in her stables. What Amanda had said about her did not concern her any longer, and as Kid had said, she should not let herself be influenced by opinions of those who meant nothing to her. Yet, it pricked her pride and self-esteem to think how weakly Teaspoon had defended her. Lou couldn't care less about Amanda, but Teaspoon's opinion was important to her. His indifference to those atrocities Amanda had uttered told Lou so much, and she was hurt and disappointed.

Louise had kept away from Teaspoon on purpose. He and Amanda had been dining at Rachel's and Buck's on two different occasions, but Lou had found excuses for her and her family to stay at home both nights. That had not raised suspicions, but Kid knew the reasons even though he had not said a word about it. All he had mentioned was that it was them next who should extend an invitation for dinner to Amanda and the rest of the family. Lou had not replied, but silently mused she had no intention to have that woman under her roof when she thought so little of her. Hopefully, she would soon leave, and peace will be restored.

Lou knew her attitude was not sound, but she could not help it. In truth, she had never been too fond of Amanda O'Connell, and the way she had come to Teaspoon's life was a giveaway of the dark side she could easily cross to. The episode with the Pikes also spoke for itself even though Lou had begrudgingly accepted that Amanda had acted that way to protect Teaspoon. The past was past, but, even so, she had never been able to bring herself to like Amanda too much. Something in her repelled her somehow, and what she had overheard in the stables the other day managed to overflow the limits of her constraint and politeness.

That morning Louise volunteered to drive her oldest children and little Ike to school since she needed to buy some provisions from Tompkins. Ellen had accepted to look after her young ones in the meantime. Janey and Matt kissed their mother goodbye and rushed into the schoolhouse, and then Lou continued her way to the store. With a nod she greeted Tompkins and walked to the table displaying the rolls of fabric. Before she got the things from her list, she would have a look at the gingham cloths for sale. Ginnie was growing fast, and she needed new dresses. Her little girl was not a baby anymore, and that made Lou feel melancholic, thinking she was losing something irreplaceable forever.

As Lou examined the beautiful blue and green shades of the fabrics, a familiar, rough voice echoed in the store. Louise lifted her eyes and saw Teaspoon stalk inside and greet Tompkins in his usual manner. The marshal did not notice her presence as he approached the counter, and she did not make any attempt to come closer to him.

"What can I do for you, Teaspoon?" Tompkins asked.

The marshal gave the store keeper a wide smile. "I need somethin' pretty for a very special lady… a brooch, a necklace, or a little piece of jewelry."

Tompkins raised an eyebrow. "You going courting now, Teaspoon?" the shop keeper asked in jest.

The marshal chortled amused. "This old dog?" he exclaimed, "I'm afraid romance and yours truly don't mix anymore. Naw… I just want to give a little trinket to Amanda. A little celebration gift."

Tompkins lifted his left eyebrow with curiosity. "Celebration?"

Teaspoon's grin widened as he announced, "Amanda's decided to move to Rock Creek."

"I wonder why you're so happy," the store keeper quipped with a coy smile.

"What can I say? For me she's the closest thing to a real daughter, and I couldn't wish for anythin' better than have her around."

"I'm glad for you, Teaspoon," Tompkins replied honestly. "Let me check what I havein my back room. I'll be right back."

As Tompkins slid into the door to the back of the store, Teaspoon kept drumming his knuckles against the old, withered, wooden counter. His eyes casually glimpsed at the right, stumbling with Louise's figure. His mouth automatically widened into a welcoming smile. "Lou, I hadn't noticed you were here, girl."

With a solemn pose and slow steps Louise walked closer to Teaspoon. She did not say a word, and the marshal studied her before saying, "I can see you're much better, honey. You've gained some of your color and looks back."

Louise stretched her lips, trying to smile but all she managed was a bitter expression. Teaspoon's comment felt like lava coursing all through her veins as she remembered the conversation he and Amanda had a few days ago. That shouldn't matter, but Lou couldn't help herself to feel hurt. And today after hearing Teaspoon talk to Tompkins, she was very close to exploding, and it was taking a supernatural effort to bite her tongue. Yet, her self-control was not strong enough, and a few cracks in her self-constraint power let the stilted comment seep through. "I heard what you said about Amanda… about her moving here."

Teaspoon nodded. "Ain't it great?"

"Just splendid," she muttered, forcing a fake smile onto her lips.

Teaspoon narrowed his eyes as he noticed Lou's attitude quite out-of-sorts. Today she did not sound like the laid-back, affable person she usually was, but she appeared strained and uncomfortable. The marshal could well imagine that she and Kid had a squabble of some sort. Teaspoon was no stranger to this stiff woman that was before him, and he knew from experience that when Lou turned into this cold, stand-offish person, the reason of her change could normally be found in her husband.

His lips opened to utter a question, but his intentions to quench his curiosity were thwarted when Tompkins returned. The store keeper placed a wooden box, removed the lid, and unfolded the chamois in which several sparkling items were sheltered. "Have a look at this, Teaspoon."

The marshal's attention instantly got drawn to an object he picked up. It was a brooch in the shape of a butterfly. Its body was made of silver filaments and its wings were of blue crystal, surrounded by tiny zircons. "This one's pretty."

"You have a good eye, Teaspoon."

Teaspoon looked up and met Lou's eyes. "What do you think?"

"It's sure beautiful… but must be expensive too," Louise replied curtly.

"Well, the occasion calls for somethin' very special, don't ya think?"

Lou simply sent him a withering look, and shrugging her shoulders, she walked away.

* * *

"Lou…"

Kid tried for the umpteenth time to appease his wife. His voice got drowned in the ruckus Lou was making in the kitchen as she angrily opened and closed drawers and cabinet doors. When she found the saucepan she had tried to locate, she thumped it on the stove with a loud clank.

"Lou…"

"What?" she seethed, swirling around to face her husband.

"Will you please calm down? It does you no good to blow the top like this, and…"

"Didn't you hear what I told you?" Lou cut him off loudly. "Don't you understand why I'm so upset?"

Kid sighed tiredly. "Honey, you've been going on and on about Teaspoon and Amanda for days, but I think you're giving all this matter too much importance."

"He said Amanda was the closest thing to a daughter! The closest, Kid!"

"I heard you," Kid replied patiently.

"And who the hell am I to him? Does he think I'm still his frigging employee?" Lou ranted, her voice shaking with sheer anger.

"Lou, I'm sure he didn't mean…"

"I was there, Kid, and I know what he said. He sounded very confident in what he was talking about!" Lou roared, flapping her hands frantically.

Kid took a few steps closer, covered her hands with his, and looked into her eyes. "Lou, don't do this, please. Just stop and think about what you're saying. You do know Teaspoon loves you like a daughter…. Gosh, our children even call him grandpa."

"You could remind him of that…" Lou muttered sarcastically. A tired sigh escaped her lips and in a calmer tone, she added, "I admit it… I've never liked Amanda, and I can't trust her… not after what happened all those years ago. And well, if Teaspoon decided to overlook that, it's up to him. I know he's fond of her, but it hurts me to realize that what I believed I was to him is a mirage."

"Lou, Teaspoon loves you, and this ain't a competition."

Louise did not heed her husband's words and continued regardless. "You can't imagine what all this means to me, Kid," Lou whispered. "She's the refined, graceful lady he can proudly boast about while I'm the poor relation nobody needs to acknowledge."

"Honey, that's not true."

"It feels that way, Kid!" Lou roared. "I just don't understand! Hoity-toity Amanda O'Connell sitting in her palace, leading the lavish life that Teaspoon's big dollars let her… and here we are, worrying about him, looking after him, caring for him! Who's been there for him year after year? Who stayed with him when he was sick? Who cares to take him a hot meal on a daily basis? Who frets when he doesn't follow the doctor's warnings? Whose door is widely open and welcoming whenever he feels like having some company? Who washes and mends his clothes? Not Amanda O'Connell living hundreds of miles away."

"It's you, Lou."

"But then Amanda is the daughter, and I'm nothing!"

"Honey, you're taking this matter too far. I'm sure Teaspoon feels very strongly for you. Everybody can see that, and what you heard at Tompkins's must have been just a figure of speech. You know what he's like and he's peculiar in the way he talks, Lou. You can't take a simple comment like that to heart."

Lou shook her head. "I'm very disappointed, Kid. I can't help it. I hardly had a relationship with my real father, and I ain't even sure if I ever loved him. A father is much more than the man who started you. And with Teaspoon… I thought of him as a father, and now when I heard him talk about Amanda… It wasn't just what he said, Kid… it's the way his eyes shone when he uttered her name, how happy he was, how proud he sounded. And I felt all of a sudden I was a lousy orphan again."

Tears came unleashed, and as the tears sprang from her eyes, anger soared. She was furious for feeling so annoyed, needy, and foolish. This shouldn't bother her so much. She was a grown-up woman with a big family, and she was crying like a baby who couldn't find her daddy. The more ashamed she felt about her tears, the more she cried. Kid did not say another word. He simply hooked his hand on the nape of her neck and brought her against his chest. Feeling his warmth and silent love against her skin, Louise crumbled down even more and she quietly sobbed as she held onto him.

* * *

That afternoon when Lou opened the door, she did not bother to hide the surprise from showing on her countenance as she came face to face with a very smiling Amanda. "Hello, Louise. I hope I'm not intruding on your normal routine for coming to you unannounced."

Lou kept a neutral expression as she asked, "What can I do for you?"

Amanda kept smiling and shifted her eyes to her son, who stood by her side. "Uh you know what small children are like, and my Adrian is getting restless and bored in the sole company of adults. I wouldn't dream of imposing on you, Louise, but Teaspoon said you wouldn't mind if my boy could come and play with your boys."

Louise lowered her eyes. The last thing she wanted was to endure the woman's presence after the turmoil she was causing in Lou's spirit. However, as Louise looked at the boy's eager eyes, she felt a tug in her stomach. Adrian was a pretty child; dark hair and eyes like his mother's, and even though Lou usually disapproved of children dressed in too serious clothes, she had to admit that the navy blue jacket and matched short pants looked cute on Adrian. "Uh… yeah, no problem," Lou muttered as she pushed the door more widely to let her uninvited guests in. "Please come in."

Amanda and her son followed her inside, Lou said, "Mattie was finishing his reading now, and Jed's drawing."

"Naturally. Adrian, you'll wait for the boys to finish their school homework," Amanda remarked.

"Jed's not going to school until next September. He's still too young."

In the living room, Matt and Jed were sitting at the big table, and both boys lifted their heads as they heard the approaching steps. "Hello, boys," Amanda greeted them with a ready smile, and the two brothers politely replied in chorus. Amanda's grin did not falter as she said, "You children are having a playmate this afternoon." Jed and Matt exchanged a genuine smile, and Amanda added, "Honey, why don't you draw something like Jed is doing while Mattie finishes his homework?"

"I'll make some tea," Lou volunteered solemnly. "Please make yourself comfortable." As she was on her way to the kitchen, she tossed a look at the children. Adrian and Jed, kneeling on their chairs, strove with their pencils over the white sheets of paper before them while Matt seemed to be daydreaming. "Matthew, I can't hear you."

The sound of his mother was enough to spur the boy into action and he continued reading the book opened before him. Lou could hear her son's voice as she made the tea and arranged some of her cookies on a delicate china plate, part of the tea set she reserved for visits. When she carried the tray to the living room, she addressed her son once again. "Matt, I think that's enough for today. You and the boys can go play."

No sooner had Lou given her permission than the three children scurried outside, taking with them their arsenal of playthings and toys. Lou could not help but smile, but as she directed her steps to where Amanda was comfortably sitting, her features sobered. In cold silence only interrupted by a few polite questions, Lou served her tea and sank down in the armchair across from her visitor. They did not speak, and Ginnie toddled to her mother, demanding her attention. Louise dipped a cookie in her tea and fed it to the girl, who beamed contentedly.

"She's a love," Amanda commented as she longingly observed the moment between mother and daughter.

"She is," Lou admitted as she struggled to wipe the toddler's mouth with a napkin, and as soon as she let go, Ginnie scurried away to play with the rag doll she had left stranded on the floor across from where the ladies were sitting.

"And your eldest?"

"Janey is at her friend Daisy's. They had some school work to do together," Lou explained as she sipped her tea.

"I'm surprised you'd let her wander off unchaperoned after what happened," Amanda blurted out before she realized what she was saying. The comment naturally impelled Louise to send a shocked look in her direction, and when Amanda realized she had spoken out of turn, she hastened to excuse herself. "I… I… When we were at Buck's for dinner a couple of nights ago, Ellen remarked something about Billy that roused my curiosity. I guess she had forgotten I was there, and later I asked Teaspoon about it."

"And he told you!" Lou exclaimed in an accusing tone.

"Oh please, don't blame him. I badgered him all the way to town and didn't give up until he told me. He's a dear, and has never been able to say no to me. Please don't be hard on him because it wasn't his fault."

Lou kept a bitter expression as her fingers tightly twisted the napkin she had in her hands. "What happens to me or my family is nobody's business," Lou said dryly.

"I know I'm sometimes terribly nosy. Please forgive me for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. I was just wondering how your daughter was getting on after that."

"Janey's perfectly fine now," Lou replied in the same curt tone.

"I'm glad. I imagine it must have been a terrible ordeal for her … and you naturally," Amanda continued, but Lou did not say a word. "I heard Ellen say she's worried because Billy refuses to come home after he and Janey broke up and…"

"Could you please let that go? This ain't something I feel comfortable talking about with…" Lou was about to say 'with a stranger' but decided not to voice her thoughts. What had happened with Jane a couple of months ago still upset her too much whenever she thought about it and what would have become of Janey if her unplanned pregnancy had progressed to full term. However, she had to admit that the whole episode had made the girl mature, and there was almost nothing left of the child she was once. That also saddened Louise, but it was true that after those horrible confrontations she had with her daughter, they had come out stronger, and they were closer now.

"Please forgive me. You're right," Amanda admitted in a low voice.

The two women continued sipping their teas in silence. Lou cast a look where Ginnie was playing quietly with her doll and in that moment the door opened and the three boys bolted inside raucously. Matt asked his mother if they could play in the bedroom where he and Jed kept their toys and those knick-knacks they thought of as invaluable treasures. Louise nodded her permission, and as the three children stormed up the stairs, their steps sounded as if a crowd had invaded the house instead of three young boys. As Lou shifted her eyes, she found Amanda smiling from ear to ear.

"Boys," she laughed, shaking her head. "I'm relieved Adrian gets on well with your children. That'll make it easier for him when he goes to school"

Lou did not even attempt to match her light-hearted disposition, and simply said, "I heard you're moving to live here."

Amanda nodded. "I think that's the best decision I've made in a long time. Teaspoon's over the moon, and I'm sure Adrian will love it here in the long run."

Lou's stomach made a bolt as Amanda mentioned Teaspoon, and a powerful wave of jealousy shook all her insides. "How do you plan to earn your keep here?" Lou blurted out unceremoniously.

"I'm going to buy Mrs. Kelly's old teashop. It costs a bit more than what I got from selling my business in Abilene. I'm tired of being around drunkards and raucous men all the time. I plan to have a decent, quiet establishment for ladies and gentlemen."

Lou realized that Amanda's plans to move to Rock Creek had been in her mind way before she had come for this visit. "I imagine you're barely hard-up after all the money Teaspoon so generously gave you years ago."

Amanda tensed and blushed at the inappropriate comment. "That money's always belonged to Teaspoon, and I only invested it in the business we shared. We're partners, and now it'll be the same." The tension was thick, and Amanda fidgeted in her seat uncomfortably. After coughing discreetly and clearing her throat, she spoke up once again, "I have the sensation you've never liked me, Louise."

"No," Lou simply said, admitting the truth. Why should she pretend and deny something that was as plain as day.

"Why?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders in indifference. "That doesn't matter, does it?"

"It matters to me," Amanda argued. "I'd really like us to get on well. Now that I'm moving here, we'll be seeing more of each other and…"

"You don't like me either," Lou stated, cutting her off.

Amanda stared at her as if she had been slapped, and after that brief hesitation, she exclaimed "Of course I do…"

"You don't," Lou insisted. Amanda's face tensed as she felt unable to pretend and put up an absurd fight, and her silence confirmed what Lou was saying. With narrowed eyes Louise stared at the woman, and said, "What do you want from me, Amanda?"

"I… it's Adrian."

"What about him?"

"When I open my shop, I…I won't be able to look after him during the day, and it'll be months before he goes to school. Teaspoon … he thought you wouldn't mind…" Amanda's voice trailed off, and she added, "Never mind. I see it was daft of me to even entertain the idea."

Amanda was rising to her feet when Lou stopped her. "Wait!" The woman stared at her wonderingly, and Louise added, "I love children, and I can see Adrian is a lovely boy. Whatever you and I feel about each other has nothing to do with him. I'd love to look after him when you're busy."

Amanda's astonishment was obvious, but she did not even try to pretend any longer, and grabbed what Louise was offering willingly. "Oh thank you, Louise! I really appreciate your generosity and…"

"You don't need to butter me up. I said yes, and I'm happy to do it."

Amanda nodded. She had to grant it; Lou was a no-nonsense woman who called a spade a spade, and even though they did not see eye to eye, she was glad she would not have to play games around her. "Thanks, and I guess I'll be on my way now. I don't want to bother you any longer."

"Stay where you are," Lou almost ordered. "The boys haven't had much time to play, and it'd be a shame to stop them now. Let's have another cup of tea, and then you can decide if you want to go."

Amanda did not say another word; she merely nodded and accepted the cup of tea that Louise served and stretched to her.

* * *

Faces glowing with awe and excitement stared in admiration as the lid was lifted. Matt had retrieved a wooden box that he kept hidden in the closet. His mother would give him an earful at the very least if she knew, but the boy did not have the heart to leave his most valued treasure in the barn where Ma had told him to. As Matt lifted the lid, Adrian gasped as he looked with big eyes at the dozen silk worms crawling over a floor of mulberry leaves on the bottom of the box.

"They're beautiful!" Adrian exclaimed as his small index finger made an attempt to touch the small, white worms but stopped in mid-air afraid.

"Pa got me five last year," Matt explained. "And they bred the others in spring."

"Mattie and I looked after the babies together, but a few died," Jed said, his enthusiasm petering out as he shared the last part of his speech.

"You're lucky to have them," Adrian replied, still staring at the silkworms in obvious amazement.

"You can take two of them home with you," Matt suggested. "We can spare them. This lot will breed more soon."

Adrian shook his head morosely. "Ma wouldn't let me. She doesn't allow me to have pets. I wanted a kitty, but she said she was … she was al… allergic," the boy explained, straining to get the last word right.

"More's the pity," Matt replied, trying to sound older than his nine years of life.

"You can always come here and play with ours," Jed added.

Adrian shrugged his shoulders. "They're nice to look at, but they are boring. They ain't like a puppy or a kitty you can play with."

"They ain't boring!" Matt exclaimed, feeling affronted by his new friend's words. "They're fun."

"Oh yeah?" Adrian replied apathetically.

"We do races!" Jed enthused.

That bit managed to draw Adrian's interest, and as the three boys looked at each other, there was no secret in their eyes that they were entertaining the same idea. Every child picked up one worm and placed it on the floor abreast. Kneeling behind them, the boys started cheering, clapping, and even strongly patting the wooden surface of the floor, trying to encourage their candidates to be the fastest and first to cross the finishing line they had placed between two discarded slippers. The noise and loud cheers did not seem to bother and affect the three silkworms that slowly crawled along the floor, stopping to their taste and swerving in another direction, causing distress and disappointment in their young cheerers.

Finally, it was Adrian's selected silkworm that managed to cross the line in the first place. The child jumped and cavorted about the pitch in obvious delight. Matt creased his frown displeased as he said, "That's just beginner's luck."

"Let's do it again," Jed said excitedly, already grabbing another silkworm from the wooden box and putting it on the floor.

"Hold on, Jed. I have another idea," Matt said. His eyes took the special gleam and glimmer they got whenever he had one of those new ideas of his, which usually got him in big trouble with his parents. The two younger boys gazed at him with expectation, and Mattie added, "We're gonna find out how good they are at keeping balance when racing."

The two other boys exchanged a confused look. "What's that?"

"Just follow me," Matt urged them, picking up the wooden box with his silkworms. He led the way to the door, but before turning the knob, he swirled round to the other two children. "We need to be very quiet. Ma and Aunt Amanda are downstairs, and I'm sure Ma won't like this."

"I don't want Ma to get upset with us, Mattie. Why don't we stay here?" Jed said, not looking forward to being in the receiving end of his mother's angered lectures. He usually didn't get in trouble with his parents, but if Matt got him to join him in his crazy plans, Jed usually knew that would end up with Ma or Pa angry.

"No," Mattie refused categorically. "We won't be found out, and it's safe enough."

Without giving his brother the chance to reply, Matt opened the door and crept down the corridor, followed by the two other children. As they reached the beginning of the stairs, Matt pushed himself on his tiptoes as he craned his neck and leaned on the banister. Just below where he stood, he could see his mother and Amanda sitting on the sofa and armchair in a cozy corner of the living room. Months ago Lou had come up with the idea of furnishing that almost naked spot in her lounge, and Kid had bought an armchair, a small table and a sofa. It was there that Kid sometimes moved to read in solitude. Lou also chose that quiet spot to do some sewing or knitting, or when she occasionally had a visit like today.

The wood creaking behind him shifted his attention and brought his finger to his lips in an obvious order. "Be quiet," he hissed to the two smaller children. "Do you want Ma to find out where we keep our silkworms?"

Jed shook his head, wondering what plan his older brother would come up with now. Matt turned away from the banister, put the wooden box on the floor and lifted the lid. One by one the nine-year-old transferred the worms from their home to the top of the banister, arranging them in a line. "This will be way more thrilling than a dull race in the bedroom," Mattie whispered, winking at the two boys conspirationally.

Adrian grinned, finally realizing what Matt planned, and at once he helped him to move the tiny pets from the box. Jed, though, remained still, foreseeing the problems ahead which his brother's brilliant idea might cause. After a few seconds, he dared to whisper, "Mattie, what if they fall off the banister?"

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "No danger there," the boy whispered back. "Once I was playing with them on the hayloft, and one of them plunged from there. Nothing happened. Don't you see they're very light?"

"And Ma?" Jed asked again, tilting his head in the direction they could hear their mother's and Aunt Amanda's voices.

"Even if they fall, she won't notice."

Jed did not say anything. A row of at least ten silkworms was arranged throughout the width of the banister. Adrian and Matt stepped back, and the three children stood there, watching them crawl. Some of the worms did not even move and seemed to be in a lethargic state, but at least four of them slowly crawled along. The three boys watched, fascinated by the new race, giggling softly when one of their pets found an obstacle in the form of a carved form on the banister, and had to creep over it. Jed was so spell-bound by the spectacle before his eyes than he forgot his previous apprehensions. Yet, when after a few minutes he noticed one of the silkworms change its direction and zigzagging its way towards the external rim of the banister, he got alarmed. "Mattie," he whispered in a fearful tone, pointing at the target worm.

Matt pressed a finger against his lips, urging him to keep quiet. When Jed took a step forward, intending to rescue the worm from a more than probable fall, Matt grabbed him by the elbow. "Don't. Let's see what he does, and we'll remove it from there at the last possible moment."

Jed stared in anguish as the tiny white insect dangerously approached the border. The seconds seemed to lag, but finally, Matt moved and reached for the silkworm, but as luck would have it, instead of grasping the delicate body of his pet, his little fingers clumsily pushed it. The silkworm missed the surface underneath, and fell. The three children rushed to the banister and stared down fearful as the insect hovered in the air as if it were flying, but ever so slowly it was plummeting down. The worm was plunging straight to the space just below the staircase, but somehow a draft changed the direction and in horror the three boys saw it plunge into one of the teacups on the table around which Louise and Amanda were sitting.

"No…" Jed let out in a strained voice.

As the children then saw Amanda's hand reach out for the cup which the silkworm had dived into, they moved simultaneously and scampered down the staircase, trying to avoid the disaster they foresaw. "No!" the three boys cried out in unison as they realized they were late and Amanda was already having a sip of her cup.

The two women got startled by the children's unexpected shout. "What on earth are you doing?" Lou asked, noticing the strange expressions on the boys' faces, staring at Amanda in sheer panic. None of the children said a word, and Louise also noticed the other woman cringe and cough. Amanda opened her mouth and her delicate fingers removed something from inside. Her black eyes widened in disgust and horror when she took in the slimy, tender creature between her fingers.

"We're sorry, Aunt Amanda. We didn't mean…"

Matt did not know if the woman even heard his words since she blindly darted out of the room, as she was overcome by sudden nausea. The door slam shut behind her as she was obviously dashing to the outhouse. The nine-year-old bravely dared to shift his eyes and glanced at his mother, who did not look happy at all. "I'm sorry, Ma."

"Just go to the kitchen, and wait for me there. We're going to have a very serious conversation later."

The boy morosely headed for the kitchen, and the other two children remained in a discreet position, trying to appear as inconspicuous as possible. Amanda returned a few minutes later, looking pale and off-color. Lou managed to convey her apologies, and Amanda took her leave.

Jed had moved to the big dining room table to draw a bit more, and Louise straight directed her feet to the kitchen. Matt was sitting, resting his head on a flexed arm on top of the table. When he saw his mother appear, he straightened up and stared at her in fearful expectation. "I… I'm sorry, Ma."

Louise let out a sigh. "That wasn't a nice thing to do, Mattie."

"I know. I didn't mean to fill Aunt Amanda's tea with my silkworms. It was an accident."

Lou remained silent for a few seconds. "I'm sure you're very sorry, ain't you, honey?" she said in a soft voice.

Matt stared at her, frowning in confusion. His mother did not sound as angry as he usually did when he played one of his stunts. "I am."

"All right. Just go to play now."

Matt, though, did not move from the spot, and kept looking at his mother with a stunned expression. "Ma? Ain't I gonna get punished? Ain't I grounded?"

"I'll overlook it this time. I know you didn't mean to do it, and that's the important thing."

Matt did not need to be told twice and scurried away from the kitchen before his mother changed her mind. This was very strange from her indeed, but he was not going to risk angering her more. The rest of his silkworms were still on the banister, and before they caused major trouble or Ma forced him to get rid of them forever, he rushed up the stairs to retrieve them.

Lou remained in the kitchen, sighed, and dropped on one of the chairs. The stunt Matt had played today could not be ignored. That boy needed to learn that his behavior, though unintentional, needed to be corrected. But how could she do that when she had almost laughed at Amanda's face when she had seen the silkworm? It was not right of her to do that, and whatever problem she had with her, it was wrong of her to rejoice in this small misadventure. It was really wrong, but that was the way she felt. So how could she punish her son when she had almost laughed her head off at the woman's expense? No, that would have been twice as bad, and as she brought to mind Amanda's face and her expression of utter disgust and shock, Lou smiled, a smile which turned into a giggle and finally into laughter, echoing in the kitchen and smarting her already bruised conscience.


	4. Chapter 4

Every Wednesday was sewing day. The women got together, and over the tedious task of mending torn garments or making new ones, they exchanged some nice yarns. Today Louise received Ellen and Rachel in her house. Since the morning she had been busy in the kitchen baking a cake and cookies she would serve in the afternoon with the tea. When her two friends arrived, they instantly moved to the living room where they first enjoyed the refreshment Lou had prepared for them. The boys had scurried away to play with Ike, Janey was studying in her bedroom, and Ginnie was happily nibbling the cookie her mother had placed in her little hand.

When tea was over, the women got down to work. Lou put Ginnie down for an afternoon nap in the small cot they had in the study, and when she returned and saw the pile of clothes she needed to see to, she sighed tiredly. Even though the task was more bearable in her friends' company, it was not something she really adored. With two boys as energetic and lively as her two sons, it was no wonder their pants and shirts had to be mended almost every week, and since they were growing up so fast, she also had to let the pants hems down quite often.

Louise sat down next to Rachel and placed her sewing basket on her lap. From the pile she took a pair of pants that belonged to Matt, and noticed the loose waistband. She muttered a low complaint as she threaded a needle and placed a thimble on her middle finger. Ellen was telling her friends about the last letter she had received from Billy. He was fine and enjoying his life at college, but Ellen complained he had no intention to return home during vacation, so she and Buck would have to travel to the east and spend some time with him. Lou did not open her mouth. She was aware that the reason behind Billy's refusal to come to Rock Creek was Janey. The youngster had taken it hard when Janey had broken up with him, and now Billy did not even want to see her. Lou knew her daughter had written to him several times, but she had not received a reply, which naturally hurt her more than she was ready to admit. Lou knew that time will sort out everything, and what had happened between Janey and Billy would simply be a memory one day.

"Are you all right, Lou?"

Louise's head jerked up and gave Rachel a reassuring smile. "Of course I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You're awfully quiet today," Ellen voiced what was in Rachel's mind too after snapping a piece of thread with her teeth.

Louise lowered her eyes, and without shifting them from her fingers maneuvering the needle, she said, "You know I'm not much of a talker, but it's true … I'm quite tired… I've been too tired lately."

"Is that the reason why we hardly get to see you lately?" Rachel asked. Louise hesitated. Rachel was obviously referring to her absence in those family reunions around Amanda and Teaspoon, but her fake tiredness had nothing to do with her staying away, which she was not ready to admit to. After that moment's hesitation, Lou simply nodded.

Ellen and Rachel shared a meaningful look, and the expression in their eyes mirrored what they were both thinking. It was Ellen who was brave enough to put their suspicions into words. "Lou, are… are you with child again?"

The unexpected question made Lou's hand stumble and the needle shot towards her finger, pricking her skin at the same time she cried 'No!" Automatically, her sore finger found her way to her mouth and she sucked it, trying to soothe the stinging sensation. When she checked there was no blood seeping, she turned her eyes to her friends. "No, no!" she repeated the word emphatically, but then stopped and remained briefly in thought. "I… I don't think so." She let out a sigh, and added, "It's the children. They sometimes drive me crazy."

"More than usual?" Ellen asked, chuckling at the same time.

Lou shrugged her shoulders, hoping that her friends ended up losing interest in her and conversation would swerve into another direction. Even though Ellen and Rachel were her best friends, she could not bring herself to explain how wretched she was feeling lately and the reason behind it. She could bare her soul to her husband and confess her weaknesses and shames to him, but she would die of embarrassment if she had to tell Ellen and Rachel she was jealous of Amanda.

Thankfully, the women relapsed into silence, but that truce did not last long as Rachel brought up something Lou was not keen on talking about either. "You know, Teaspoon's birthday is coming up," she reminded them. Teaspoon had never known the exact date of his birth, but since the olden days Emma had chosen a random day to celebrate it that had been informally institutionalized in their family, and every April they had a special gathering to wish the marshal a happy birthday. "He's turning seventy this year, so it's a biggie."

"Louise, what were you planning to do this year? It will be at your place again, won't it?"

"Uh yes, I guess… Yes, sure," Lou muttered. She coughed and cleared her throat before continuing, "I thought we could make this one memorable, more special… something he could remember gladly."

Ellen smiled, but Rachel looked clueless. "Come on, Lou, tell Rachel what you and the children, including my Ike, have been doing for a while," Ellen urged her friend with a wide smile.

"It's nothing extraordinary," Lou admitted. "But I reckon Teaspoon might enjoy it. The children and I are going to put on a play about his life."

Rachel frowned. "A play?"

"Yes, you know, Teaspoon takes great pride in telling all the adventures he's had over the years, so I thought it would be nice for him to see them in motion. I made a list of all the most important events for him, you know, when he was a Texas ranger, working for the Pony Express, his career as a lawman, so Janey and I wrote a piece for us and the children to act on his birthday, like his life told by one of those old minstrels. Janey and I have also used some old clothes for the costumes, and I've even managed to involve my dear husband and Buck, who were more than reluctant."

"Lou, I think that's a wonderful idea! Teaspoon will love it!"

Louise smiled. "The children are very excited."

"My Ike has been talking about it for weeks. I'm surprised Teaspoon hasn't heard a word yet. Trust my boy to keep a secret, and in two minutes the whole town will know."

The women tittered at the comment, and they were still shining with mirth when the door opened. Kid strode into the house, and a few steps behind him came Teaspoon. The two men greeted the women, and like usual Teaspoon used his particular Baroque dialectics to salute the ladies, which was nothing out of the ordinary. Lou kept a serious countenance when the marshal addressed her. "I haven't seen ya in a while, Louise."

"Yes, that's right," Lou replied curtly, not intending to offer any explanation for her absence.

"That chicken dish you sent with Janey was really tasteful, and even though I can't deny I love seein' your eldest, I do miss your charmin' presence in my office lately."

Louise lowered her eyes, and concentrated on her sewing while she said, "I've been busy, and I imagine you must also have been kept occupied … by your visitor." Kid, who stood behind the sofa on which Lou was sitting, gave her a gentle poke on the shoulder to hint that she should refrain herself from throwing any further comments about Teaspoon and Amanda. Kid thought that Lou was taking this matter too personally, and she should discuss her problem openly with Teaspoon, and these veiled remarks would not help. The only thing she would manage to do was to make both her and Teaspoon uncomfortable.

The marshal furrowed his brow, noticing something peculiar in Lou's tone, but his attention was too caught by something else to give Lou's strange mood much thought. "Uh… yes, I think you're right, honey."

"Take a seat, Teaspoon," Kid offered. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine. I can't stay long. I just dropped by to tell you somethin'… "

"What is it, Teaspoon?" Rachel asked, intrigued.

"Amanda reminded me that next week is the day we usually celebrate my birthday, and since it'll be the first time she'll be here for the date, she wants to make it up to me for those past birthdays she's missed. So she's inviting all of us to a very special lunch in the local restaurant on Sunday." As he announced the news, his big smile vanished when he noticed the women and Kid stare at him with less than the expected excitement. "That'll be great, don't you think?"

Lou pressed the needle between her fingers more tightly and lowered her eyes. Trust Amanda to get in the middle and ruin everything. In a restaurant they could never put on the play that the children had worked so much on and were so thrilled about. Lou was boiling with contained anger, but she couldn't talk or say a thing. It was Rachel who broke the icy silence that had settled in the room. "But Teaspoon, we … all of us were going to spend the day here… like we usually do."

"But there's no law that says we can't change the venue, and it'll be better for Louise if the horde we all are doesn't invade her house all the time."

Kid cleared his throat, aware that this was more than a change of venue, and Lou would feel it like another affront, especially when she and the children have been so looking forward to this particular birthday. Apart from that idea of the play, Lou had even thought of the food she would serve that day, choosing Teaspoon's favorites. "Lou, the children, and I love having you here, and … and we'd already planned that day."

"And the day is a Saturday, not a Sunday," Ellen pointed out.

"Amanda can't make it on Saturday because she's having some men helping her refurbish her new tearoom, and I'm helping her too. Sunday is as good a day as any, and, you know, we can't turn down her generous offer. It wouldn't be right, and she might feel offended."

'_God forbid Amanda feel offended, but it's fine if Louise had to step aside and let the road free for precious Amanda,' _Lou thought annoyed, not daring to meet Teaspoon's eyes, and she kept struggling with the needle in her hands as if nothing was happening around her.

"Teaspoon, the children have a special surprise for you," Kid dared to say, not wanting to give the whole thing away. "It won't be the same, and you know the restaurant is the last place they'll think as much fun. At least, here they can escape to play in the yard when they feel like it instead of listening to a bunch of adults chatting."

"Uh…" the marshal faltered, realizing he had not taken into consideration what Kid was saying. It was true, but he didn't want to let Amanda down, especially as she had been so full of smiles and excitement when she had told him. "Uh… maybe I think…"

As Teaspoon dithered to say what was in his mind, Louise looked up and plastering a fake smile on her lips, she said, "Kid, it is Teaspoon's day, and it's obvious what he wants to do. It ain't right to badger him with our own predilections."

The marshal smiled gratefully. "Thanks, honey."

"It's going to be fun too," Ellen exclaimed, trying to do her bit to reassure Teaspoon, and the others smiled, echoing her words.

However, Lou was not so pleased, and did not intend to pretend. Putting her sewing basket down, she rose to her feet and in a stiff tone she said, "I'm sure it'll be lovely, but I can't assure my family and I will be there." And before Teaspoon or anybody could say anything else, she added, "I think I heard Ginnie. I'll go before she stumbles out of bed and falls."

Lou scurried out of the living room, and when they heard the study door slam close behind her, Teaspoon turned his confused, stunned eyes to Kid. "What's wrong with your wife, son?"

Kid shifted his weight from one leg to the other uncomfortably. "She was just joking. Of course we'll be there."

Teaspoon shook his head and chuckled. "Don't tell me she's expecting again? You know she easily slides into the acid side whenever she's with child."

Kid did not say anything, and Rachel stepped in. "Teaspoon, I'm leaving now. Will you walk with me?"

"Uh yes, sure," the marshal replied. He bid a courteous goodbye to both Kid and Ellen, and then he followed Rachel out of the living room, ignorant that inside Lou had sank down in the little cot Ginnie had been dozing, with her little girl scooped in her arms and feeling once again bitterness and jealousy course through every inch of her soul and body.

Rachel and Teaspoon walked in companiable silence across the yard. Teaspoon pulled at the reins of his horse behind him as they headed for the spot next to the stables where Rachel had left her buggy. At some point the marshal noticed the woman sending surreptitious looks in his direction. She definitely had something on her mind but seemed to have problems getting it out. "Rachel," Teaspoon finally called, "is there anythin' you want to say?" The woman stared at him in silence while the marshal said, "It's me, Teaspoon, your old pal, and as far as I remember, you've never had any problems speakin' your mind."

Rachel cleared her throat, as she leaned against the buggy frame. "It's really nothing important, but I was thinking about Louise."

"What about her? There's somethin' not quite right with that girl now."

"Oh I guess she was a bit disappointed on account of her children," Rachel explained, trying to tone down the whole thing, but guessing right why Lou was acting so weirdly. "They've prepared a little somethin' for your birthday."

Teaspoon nodded morosely. Every year the children read poems or sang songs as their special way of wishing him happy birthday. "I can't see the problem. We can always do that after lunch in the restaurant or another day."

"Yes," Rachel whispered gingerly, but it was clear there was still something else on her mind. When Teaspoon mentioned he was meeting Amanda in a few minutes, Rachel turned her eyes to him and said, "You and Amanda are spending an awful lot of time together."

Teaspoon creased his brow into a frown. "Anythin' wrong with that?"

"No, of course not."

"She's family, and it's natural I want to spend time with her after all these years livin' apart."

"I know that, Teaspoon. Please don't take this the wrong way. I like Amanda, but…"

"But what?"

"She ain't your only family, and I'm afraid some might feel forgotten."

Teaspoon folded his arms over his protruding paunch, and the very marked lines on his forehead clearly expressed he wasn't pleased about what he was hearing. "That… that's ridiculous, Rachel."

"Please Teaspoon," the woman said softly, placing a hand on his crossed arms. "Don't get miffed."

"If my flamin' birthday is gonna cause such a hoo-hah, we might call off the whole thing!"

"It ain't the birthday…"

"Amanda is very special for me, Rachel. She looked after my real daughter in her last days, something I never had the chance to do. I'll never be able to repay her enough."

Rachel nodded slowly. "I ain't saying anything against you, Teaspoon, and I know how much you love Amanda. All I'm saying is watch out."

"I don't understand what you're going on about. I really don't."

Rachel smiled wryly. "It's nothing. Just ignore me." With a brisk hop she eased onto the buggy and reached for the reins. "Give my love to Amanda," she said as she flapped the reins on the back of the horse. Her free hand waved at Teaspoon as she drove out of the ranch. The marshal remained there, shaking his head. What Rachel had said did not make sense, and he wondered where that had come from. It wasn't like Rachel to reproach his time with Amanda. How could he not spend time with her? She was an important part in his life just like the rest of his family, and if he was paying her extra attention, it was because she needed him more than the others. Amanda had nobody but her son and now him, and after those years living on her own, Teaspoon wanted to spoil her a little. Who wouldn't do the same in his situation?

* * *

Despite grumbling on and on for days, Lou finally let herself be coaxed to accept the invitation to Teaspoon's birthday bash. She was not in the right mood, but she had to give in and admit Kid was right. If she refused to be there for Teaspoon, she would just be showing herself in a bad light. Whatever happened between the marshal and Amanda shouldn't be her concern, and she should be big enough to step aside and let Amanda take the upper hand. That was easier said than done, and if Lou considered the last weeks, and those comments and display of affection between Teaspoon and Amanda, a scorching fire broke out in her soul, consuming her. That wasn't healthy, and she knew it, but it was something intractable. What she needed to do was to swallow her pride and pain, and go to that darn lunch, if not for her, for Kid and the children.

When the McClouds reached the restaurant, the others were already there. A long table that had been arranged by the staff to accommodate the extended family stood out in the room, and when Lou, Kid and their offspring arrived, they were greeted with obvious warmth. As Lou took a seat at the far end of the table, she noticed straightaway the sitting arrangement, which she suspected had been Amanda's idea, naturally. Teaspoon sat at the top of the table, flanked by Amanda and her son, as if she had planned to keep him just for herself and away from others.

Kid sat next to his wife, left the big parcel containing Teaspoon's present on the floor, and as he noticed Lou's eyes, he took her hand under the table and gave it a squeeze as he whispered, "Just relax, please."

Louise simply nodded, but kept a serious countenance which contrasted with the smiling other faces around the table. Food was served, and Lou concentrated on feeding Ginnie the purée she had ordered and at the same time trying to thwart her baby's attempts to snatch the spoon from her grasp. Lou welcomed the distraction, but her attention was split to what was going on at the other end of the table. Amanda kept talking constantly, charming as usual, and everybody else, especially Teaspoon, laughed at her witty comments and agreed with every unimportant little thing she said. Lou knew she was being irrational, and her dislike of Amanda was pushing her to extremes she would normally not fathom to step on. Naturally, it did not help to realize that, apart from greeting her at the beginning, Teaspoon had not addressed her at all, as if she had become invisible all of a sudden.

After feeding Ginnie, Kid took the girl from his wife and settled her on his lap. When Lou tried to eat, she realized she had no appetite, and after struggling with her squirming daughter to make her eat, the food on her plate had gone cold. So she simply had a few forkfuls and gave up. A waiter appeared by her side, checking if everything was all right and asking if she needed anything. Lou could have requested him to warm her food, but she did not bother because she wasn't really hungry.

A cake was next placed in front of Teaspoon, and he beamed amused at the many burning candles on top of the icing. The children and adults clapped happily, and Lou joined the chorus of cheerfulness, but her pose was as enthusiastic as a widow at her husband's funeral. "If you don't blow your candles now, Teaspoon, the cake'll burn down to ashes in no time," Buck joked. "Actually, it could burn this whole place down to ashes. There's a whole lot of years on that cake."

"Proof that I've had a long, thriving lifetime," Teaspoon replied good-humouredly.

"And God willing, it'll be much longer yet," Rachel added.

The marshal smiled in appreciation, and filling his lungs, he let the air out in rapid gasps, trying to blow out all the candles on the cake. The rebellious ones defied him, and Matt and Ike rushed to Teaspoon's side to help him with the task, and when all the candles had been put out, the old marshal and the two children were breathless as the rest clapped their hands enthusiastically. The cake was cut and the pieces handed out.

Teaspoon sighed contentedly as he swept his eyes around the table and admired the beloved faces of his family as they gobbled down the delicious cake. It was amazing for the loner he had always been to end up with such a big, wonderful family. Life had been generous with him, and his heart overflowed with love for every single person around this table. He was fortunate, and if he happened to die this very moment, he would go full with happiness. Teaspoon's eyes fell on Louise, sitting at the far end of the table. Her face was strangely lowered over the plate, her shoulders slumped and hunched, and even though her whole attention was on her piece of cake, all she did was to keep rolling it around the plate, but did not attempt to eat.

The marshal sighed. Lately Lou was acting in such a bizarre way that had him worried. The stiffness she was recently showing was not like Louise at all, and Teaspoon wondered if she felt as good as she claimed. It wasn't so long since she had been so terribly sick, so maybe she wasn't totally on the mend. Kid hadn't mentioned anything to him, but it was true that he had been too busy with Amanda and had no time to visit Lou and Kid. Soon Amanda would settle, and he'd be back to his usual routine, and do something about the family duties he had been neglecting lately.

"Something wrong, Teaspoon?" Amanda asked when she realized he wasn't eating his cake.

The marshal smiled as he shook his head. "How can anything be wrong when I'm so lucky to have you here with me today?" he said, sandwiching Amanda's hands between his affectionately. "I'm the luckiest man in Rock Creek, and I couldn't wish for somethin' more than what I already have here," he added, bringing to mind his previous thoughts about his family.

His words drew Lou's attention, and her eyes darted to the stabbing image of Teaspoon and Amanda in such a harmonious picture. His words that had meant to include the whole family sounded as if they only included Amanda, and Lou felt outraged not just for herself, but for Kid and the others who had been by Teaspoon's side all these years. How could Teaspoon be so blind? How could he suddenly turn Amanda into his whole life? The painful declaration she had heard him say at Tompkins' still haunted her, and she couldn't get rid of the discomfort and annoyance that ripped her inside whenever she thought about it. _Amanda is like a daughter, Amanda is like a daughter, Amanda is like a daughter…_ The echo of the words in her head started to feel like a throbbing headache, and she tried to smother them and bring herself out of the jealous niche she had fallen.

Amanda's voice cut through her thoughts and snapped her out of her morose mental rambling. "And now the presents!" As soon as the announcement was in the air, the children jumped excitedly.

"Us first!" Matt exclaimed, and he, Jed, and Ike ran to Teaspoon and presented him with a bunch of pictures they had been working on for the last past week. They were all drawings of Teaspoon in different scenes, riding his horse, holding his gun as he arrested a bank robber, dozing off in his office, or armed with a fork and a knife as he was about to attack a huge plate of what looked like sausages.

"I'm impressed!" the marshal said with a big smile. "You three are some pretty good artists!"

"And this isn't all," Jed whispered as if he were revealing a big secret. "We have a surprise for you when you come home."

Ike and Matt nodded their heads in unison, grinning in anticipation about the little play they had put together with Louise for Grandpa Teaspoon. The three children automatically turned their heads to Lou, who gave them an awkward smile. The marshal noticed the looks passing between the children and her, and raised an eyebrow questioning in her direction. Yet, Lou just looked away as she took a sip of water from her glass.

After the children's enthusiasm died down, the others one by one gave Teaspoon their presents. Janey had bought him a new shaving razor which she had been saving for from the small earnings she got from looking after Mrs. Hill's children from time to time. Rachel gave him a long warm scarf she had knit, and Buck and Ellen a brand new hat.

"And this is from me," Amanda said, placing a red velvet pouch before him. "I hope you like it."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll love it. Just havin' somethin' from you is a gift in itself," Teaspoon replied flourishingly. Lou stared at him, trying to keep a neutral face, but seething inside. She was curious to see about Amanda's present.

"And you know, if you want to reciprocate, you just need to say yes," the woman added.

"Yes to what?" Buck asked the question the rest was already asking themselves.

Teaspoon gave a short chortle. "Amanda thinks it's time for me to abandon ship and move out from my run-down lodgings. She wants me to live with her and her lovely child, and well…" He turned to Amanda and smiled. "I had to say that the idea's growin' on me."

Lou's eyes widened in shock. For years she, Kid, and Buck had tried to talk Teaspoon into moving to the ranch with them and he had always refused, excusing his need for his own place. The ranch could be anything but smothering, with its wide and open spaces, and they had even suggested Teaspoon build his own cottage. It was totally ironic that he had turned that down, and he was thinking about moving with Amanda in the house she had rented in town. All because Amanda was in it?

Louise searched Kid's eyes and then Buck's, trying to find some empathy to what she was thinking and feeling, but neither of the men seemed too bothered. Actually, they were smiling and even nodding encouragement as they watched Amanda lean forward and kiss Teaspoon on the cheek. Their indifference made Lou boil with anger, and it was such the tumult she was experiencing that she could hardly keep still. Her left foot started patting the wooden floor and her hands kept wriggling her white napkin.

"Come on, Teaspoon! Open my present!" Amanda urged among happy giggles.

The marshal carefully loosed the string on the pouch and poured the contents on the palm of his hand. "Oh Amanda," he exhaled as he discovered a shining pocket watch, and as he clicked its lid open, he mouthed the inscription there: _"To Teaspoon, the father of my heart. With love. Amanda." _ His emotion-filled eyes lifted to the dark-haired woman by his side, and he said, "This must've cost ya too much, and with your settling up and everythin'…"

"Nonsense," Amanda cut him off, waving her hand in a disregarding manner. "Nothing's too much, not for you."

"Let Amanda spoil you, Teaspoon," Buck added. "You deserve it."

The marshal smiled and turned his mesmerized eyes back to the pocket in his hold. "Oh Amanda, this present is…"

"The best ever?" A voice resounded loud and clear, and Teaspoon lifted his eyes back to find Louise looking at him with a strange expression after voicing the words. He could see the way she held her head high was a clear indication that she was in one of her angry moods.

"Lou please," Kid hissed in a low voice, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Lou, though, swatted it away as he rose to her feet and took Ginnie from her husband's lap. "Teaspoon, you know I can be many things, but not a hypocrite, and right now I'd feel like the biggest one if I stayed here one more second," she said in a harsh, annoyance-laden voice.

"Is anythin' wrong, Lou?" the marshal asked, looking as confused and stunned as the rest of the family.

"Yes," Louise stated in the same cold voice, but she did not elaborate. Picking up the bundle they had brought with them, she carelessly shoved it onto the floor next to Teaspoon. "That's our present. It's nothing much. Just a quilt." She paused and looking over her shoulder, she called, "Children, we are going now. Teaspoon, you'll have to carry on with your little party without us, but it won't be such a loss, will it?"

Without waiting for a reply, Lou trudged toward the door and the children followed, aware this wasn't the time to protest. Kid also stood up awkwardly. "I'm really sorry, Teaspoon. Lou… Lou, well, she's going through a rough patch… somehow," he muttered, feeling clumsy and unsure how to justify Lou's rudeness and weird behavior. With a polite nod, he simply turned round and followed the path his wife and children had followed out of the restaurant.

Teaspoon was more confused than ever in his long life, and looking around the table, he noticed the perplexity in the others as well. Nobody said a word, and with a yank he removed the napkin from his front and rose to his unsteady feet. "Ex… excuse me," he stuttered, and almost ran out of the restaurant.

Outside Kid and Lou silently were helping the children onto the wagon. Janey was already settled on the back with Ginnie cocooned on her lap. Teaspoon stopped at a few feet from them, and studied Lou's turned figure. Her squared shoulders and stilted motions were enough evidence to know she was as upset as she had sounded inside the restaurant. Kid noticed the marshal's presence, and his blue eyes directed to him drew Lou's attention, and she turned to look at him.

Teaspoon took the steps keeping him apart from the couple. "Lou…" he called hesitantly, but when she turned away from him, he flared up. "I'm talkin' to you!" he lashed out, grabbing her by the arm and forcing her to face him.

"I don't want to talk to you, Teaspoon."

The marshal ignored her words and noticing the children's serious faces, he steered her away from the wagon at a safe distance, and Lou reluctantly let herself be pulled along. When he released his hold, Louise folded her arms over her chest in a defensive way. "What the hell is wrong with you, Lou?"

"Why don't you go back inside and get on with your big celebration?"

Teaspoon exhaled tiredly. "How can I do that after your out-of-the-blue outburst?"

"Just forget about it; I'm sure you can do that easily. Still better, you can forget about me completely."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just that, Teaspoon. Forget I exist. I don't want to see or talk to you again," Lou stated categorically.

Her words made him cringe as they stabbed him in the heart painfully. "Lou…"

"When Polly was around, she once told me that the reason you couldn't stay in a marriage for long was that you have the attention span of a child. As soon as something new catches your interest, you drop everything else. Do you think she was right?"

Teaspoon frowned. "I… I dunno. Maybe." Once again he sighed; the air rushing from his lungs hurting him with every breath he took. Looking at Lou's detached, glacial face and bearing ripped his heart, and the pain coursing all over him was more acute than any of the uncountable wounds he had suffered over the years. "Whatever have I done to you, honey?"

"You hurt me… real bad," Lou whispered in a tiny voice. "Forgive me for spoiling your birthday, but you know me and…"

"I ain't sure I know you anymore."

Lou nodded. "I need to go. Just respect my wishes, Teaspoon, and stay away from me."

Louise did not wait for the response she knew he would not have, and stalked back to the buckboard. Kid helped her onto the seat, and her eyes kept glued ahead of her as she did anything in her power to avoid looking at Teaspoon, who remained on the same spot. The marshal gazed at her with anguished eyes. Kid gave him an awkward, understanding smile before he maneuvered the wagon from the place and set it into motion. Teaspoon stood there, looking after them and when the outline of the wagon disappeared down the street, he slowly moved and plodded back to the restaurant.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mrs. Chambers and Miss Hill are absolutely delighted about the upcoming opening of my tearoom. The other day they just kept rattling on and on about the same, and apparently, the ladies in their church committee are as pleased. Needless to say, that is a relief, and I can hope that our little business will…"

Amanda's voice died down when she noticed her words were falling on deaf ears. Sitting comfortably on the best armchair in her living room, Teaspoon had his unfocused eyes on her. The expression of his vacant gaze clearly showed that his mind was miles away from the room.

"Teaspoon?"

Her voice startled him, and he had to overcome a sudden fit of coughs before he was able to speak up. "Uh… what were you sayin', my dear?"

Amanda did not reply right away, but simply cast a sad smile in his direction. "You were thinking about Louise and her outburst today, weren't you?"

Teaspoon stretched his lips, his face shaping into a wry expression and answered her question. "How can I not think about it?"

Amanda nodded, and pulled her chair closer to him. Resting her elbows on her lap, she leaned forward and fixed her dark eyes into his as she said, "Teaspoon, I know how fond you are of her, but let me speak my mind and tell you her behavior today was an outrage! Ruining your birthday like that! No wonder none of us felt much like celebrating afterwards!"

"Lou… she didn't act right, I grant you that, but… I'm worried. She has an incensed character, but she's also very affable and good-natured. Lou doesn't fly off the handle for anythin'. There must be a powerful reason why she's so miffed with me."

Amanda raised her eyebrows, conveying her skepticism. "She's evidently an ungrateful minx."

"Amanda…"

"It's the truth, Teaspoon. After all you've done for her and her family, she should be kissing the ground you walk on!"

"When you love somebody, you give yourself for free, not because you expect any kind of reward. Not that I'm sayin' Lou, Kid, and their lovely children haven't given me more than I could have dreamed of throughout the years."

"She's nothing but a selfish piece!" Amanda continued her angry tirade, outraged on behalf of the marshal. "She owes you everything she has now. Who looked after those boys of hers when she was at death's door? Who has given her support all through the years? And most importantly, who let her keep the job at the Pony Express even when you discovered she was a woman? If you had kicked her out like any other boss would have done, who knows where she would be right now? She could well have ended up in the gutter, serving and treating men who are lower than scum!"

At her words Teaspoon shuddered as horrible images filled his mind. Shaking his head to get rid of those haunting thoughts, he said, "Amanda, don't be so cruel, please. Lou is a very capable and resourceful woman, but even so, I don't think Kid and the others would have let me fire her back then."

"That's beside the point, Teaspoon! I hate it when somebody hurts you, and that's what she did today! You don't deserve her haughtiness when you've been nothing but kind and generous to her and her family!"

"I also welcomed you with open arms when you first came to me, and you connived to rob and kill me!" Teaspoon blurted out before his own mind registered what he was saying.

Amanda's mouth hung open in shock and her black eyes stared at him as if she had been slapped. "Do you still hold a grudge against me because of what happened years ago?"

Teaspoon shook his head. "No, and forgive me for bringin' that matter up. It was uncalled for. You know I forgave you and forgot about it the moment you and I talked, and you confessed the truth. I was more than obvious about it," he said, hinting at the small fortune he had decided to share with Amanda when she had left Sweetwater. "What I mean is that you can't go judgin' Lou like that. I already told you. Lou was wrong today, but she's been a constant presence in my life for years. If I helped her once, she's given me a dozen times as much ever since. Thanks to her and her family, I feel I belong to somebody for once instead of bein' a lonely, old man."

"You could have come to live with me. I've been asking you for years."

"And it was very generous of your part, honestly, dear. But Lou never asked me to accommodate to her life; she simply adjusted hers and her family's to mine."

Amanda pursed her lips in an unhappy expression. "That's something I can't compete against, I see."

"There's nothin' to compete against, Amanda." Teaspoon could not stand this continuous putdown any longer, and he was too tired to keep defending Lou against Amanda. The day had been hard, and he had enough on his plate after Lou's resolve to rub him out of her life, and he just could not cope with Amanda on top of it all. "I… I better go," he muttered as he leapt to his feet.

"Please Teaspoon, no."

"It's late, and I need to rest."

Amanda finally nodded, and kissed him goodbye. The walk from Amanda's new quarters to Teaspoon's abode was barely a few minutes, and the marshal trudged inside. In the dark his hand felt for the box of matches atop his dresser, and lit the wick of a candle which cast some dim light in the room. Teaspoon sighed. Today he felt as if he were hundreds of years old, and his chest contracted with such emptiness that he had the impression he could hear an echo reverberate in his own self.

His feet shuffled along and approached the bed. Hours ago he had dropped by his rooms and left his birthday presents, which now stood on top of his roughly made bed. Teaspoon smiled sadly as once again he laid eyes on the drawings the children had given him. He picked them up and placed them in a drawer of his dresser. Then he did the same with Janey's shaving razor, Amanda's pocket watch, and Rachel's scarf and he hung the new hat he had gotten from Buck and Ellen on the peg next to his revolvers.

Alone on the bed over his threadbare bedspread lay Lou's present. It was still unopened and wrapped up in smooth Manila paper. After what had happened, Teaspoon had not been in the mood to celebrate, like Amanda had pointed out, or do anything else about his birthday. The marshal focused his eyes on the package. Lou had said it was a quilt, and had qualified it as 'nothing much'. Now tempted by curiosity, he ripped the paper open to discover it was really a quilt. Holding it by the corners, Teaspoon gave it a good shake and spread it out over his bed.

The colors stood out in the semi-dark room, and the marshal's eyes feasted on the different shapes as his hand stroked the fabric. It was a patchwork quilt, and as his sensitive fingers explored every inch of the different materials, his mind was flooded by memories as he recognized the patterns. Many of them came from some of the shirts and even jackets he had over the years, but he also found materials that in better times had been part of Lou's dresses or even Kid's shirts too. Teaspoon also spotted those fabrics that had been worn out by their children, and even the brown corduroy that he was sure Lou had donned during her Express days.

They all formed a lovely combination that embellished his rackety bed. It wasn't perfect, but in its flaws laid its beauty, but that wasn't its best asset. The memories contained in this simple piece of fabric pulled at his heart, and he was almost moved to tears. By looking at every inch of his new quilt he could bring to mind moments that were a treasure, like his history written before his eyes. Teaspoon wondered how Lou had been able to gather all these pieces of discarded clothes throughout the years. It felt like a beautiful act of love like a mother bird day by day picking twigs all through the long winter to create the perfect nest for its little ones. And Lou did not even like sewing, Teaspoon thought with a sad smile.

A sigh escaped his lips, and very slowly he started to undress. The pressure in his chest was not gone; he was feeling in a tumult, and couldn't shush away those categorical words Lou had uttered. That had hurt more than he was able to admit to anybody, especially Amanda. He couldn't simply accept that Lou… his Lou would become estranged for whatever the reason. She was a steady pillar in his life, special as nobody else was. Teaspoon was fond of all his boys, now grown men, but Lou had a place no one could fill, and he could not accept she would disappear like that.

Teaspoon slid into bed and buried himself under his new quilt. He could even smell those unmistakable aromas in Lou's home, and he could close his eyes to be transported there, surrounded by the McClouds. It was there that he felt like home, and had never doubted he belonged with them. The harmonious dream was slashed as Lou's words echoed in his mind. It hurt worse than any shot he had suffered in his eventful life, and unexpectedly, his eyes felt moist and the tears spilled over. It had been years since he had last cried, but tonight when he crossed the threshold of his seventieth year of life, he finally succumbed to his grief, and he wept for him and the woman he had suddenly realized he had loved most.

* * *

Beads of sweat glistened on their foreheads, and the material of their dresses clung to their skin, enclosing them like a stifling prison cell. Surrounded by wooden washtubs, the two women incessantly toiled their way on the pile of laundry that their families had built up in the last week. Ellen energetically scrubbed some sheets on the wash board while Lou stood over the steaming wash boiler, spinning some other bedding clothes with the dolly stick. The women did not talk; Ellen was humming an old tune while scrubbing while Lou seemed to be deep in thought.

Ellen was the first one to notice him resolutely directing his steps to where they were. As her humming stopped suddenly, Lou's attention was briefly diverted, and when she realized who was approaching her yard, her features hardened and she continued stirring and prodding at the clothes with even greater vigor.

"Hello, Teaspoon!" Ellen greeted him enthusiastically.

"Mornin', ladies!" the marshal responded politely, tilting his head at the same time.

Lou did not say a word and did not even move a muscle, keeping her back turned to Teaspoon. The lack of response wounded him deep in his heart, and his face showed his hurt as he kept staring at her turned figure. Ellen noticed the awkwardness, and felt the need to make herself scarce. "Uh… Teaspoon, will you excuse me for a bit? I need to fetch something from the house. Lou, honey, I'll be back in a minute."

Ellen almost ran out of the yard, leaving Teaspoon and Lou in the same awkward position. "Ain't you gonna say anythin' at all, Lou?" the marshal finally blurted out. "Is this the way it's gonna be from now on?"

Lou still did not talk, and simply transferred the washed bedding to the rinse tub. Then she spun around to face Teaspoon. Her eyes were downcast as she wiped her hands dry on her apron. "What do you want, Teaspoon?"

"Talk to ya."

Lou sighed. "What about?"

Teaspoon took a few guarded steps closer to her. "First, I want to thank you for your beautiful present, and how much I appreciate it. Rachel told me you spent long months to finish it."

Lou shrugged her shoulders. "You know I ain't very skilful, and I take months to do most things other women would manage to dance through."

The marshal cursed when he realized that Lou had taken his comment, intended as praise, as criticism. "I think you don't give yourself enough credit, Lou. You have a big family, and it's amazin' you were able to find the time to make this old geezer somethin' so exquisite. I've never owned such a special quilt."

"You're welcome," Lou replied, trying to remain dry and aloof, but his words and praise really meant the world to her. She felt unshed tears sting her eyes, but she fought them stubbornly, and tried to find a new direction to distract her sensitive soul. "Anythin' else? You see, I'm quite busy."

Lou made the attempt to turn to the clothes but Teaspoon reached for her, and thwarted her intentions. "That can wait, Lou. We still need to talk about our outstandin' matter. You have a problem… a big problem with me, and I think I have a right to know what it is."

"I…I'm just very sad, that's all," Lou said in a tiny voice, lowering her eyes to the ground. "I think I'm entitled to feel this way as you have a right to have your own feelings."

"Naturally, but we… I worry about you."

Lou lifted her head proudly as she stated, "You don't have to. I told you. I ain't your concern anymore. After all, you have your precious Amanda, don't you?"

Teaspoon's forehead crinkled into a frown as realization finally dawned on him. "Is… is all this fuss about Amanda?"

The way he uttered the question made her feel small and simple, and her irritation and pain soared. "Teaspoon, I ain't some kind of stone statue anybody can manhandle to their liking. I might be small and insignificant, but I have feelings!"

The marshal was bewildered and almost speechless. "Who on earth manhandled you, Lou?"

"No one," Lou admitted, "but that's the way it felt." Lou paused, and then added, "I heard you, Teaspoon, there in the stables."

"Heard what?"

"Amanda bitching about me! About me being such a pathetic, hideous hag that my own husband shouldn't even look at me! And you were there, listening to her as if she were talking about the weather!"

"Lou, what Amanda said was just atrocious, and I let her know right away. You must've heard me too!"

"No, I didn't. I only heard her and your silence!"

"Lou, I swear to God that I berated her words most energetically, and she apologized."

"Nobody apologized to me."

"Lou, she was wrong to say those untrue things about you and Kid, but she has had this bitter streak runnin' through her veins since her husband abandoned her. I'm not excusin' her, but it's nothin' personal against you. She tends to lunge against any woman who seems to be happily married. I guess she's still fightin' her demons in her own way." Lou nodded reluctantly, and as Teaspoon did not see her relax yet, he added, "What else, sweetheart? What's eatin' you inside?"

Lou bit her lower lip. "The thing at Tompkins'."

"What thing?"

"What you said," Lou reluctantly muttered. "You… you said Amanda was the closest thing to a daughter." Now that the cat was out of the bag, she felt her tongue loosen up and the words spill easily. "Call me an idiot, Teaspoon, but I thought… I thought that we… that you and I had something special, that we were as close as real family. My children even call you Grandpa, and… can you imagine how it hurt to hear you say that? It was like falling from my comfortable cloud to the hard ground."

Teaspoon dared to take her hand in his, and his rough thumb caressed her still moist knuckles. A sigh escaped his lips. "Lou, honey, it's true. I feel Amanda's the closest thing to a daughter." Lou looked back at him with such pain that it felt like a powerful punch to his already sore soul, and before he would sink deeper in mud with his clumsy mouth, he added, "The thing is that you, my girl, ain't closer or farther from that position. You're just it." Lou kept staring at him with a confused frown, and Teaspoon added, "In my head, my heart, and my understandin' you're my daughter full stop. God knows I never got closer to your mother or lay eyes on her, let alone a hand, but that's the way I see and feel it. I thought you knew that, Lou."

"Are you saying that to simply content me? I ain't a child, Teaspoon, and I can deal with the truth. I don't begrudge you for loving Amanda as you do, for wanting the whole word to know about her, but I… I just don't know."

"Lou, have I ever lied to ya?" Teaspoon asked in a serious voice. "Do you really believe I could tell you I loved you as if you were my flesh and blood, and bein' lyin' through my teeth?"

Lou lowered her eyes and suddenly burst out crying. Teaspoon promptly brought his arms around her as she silently wept against his chest. It was a few minutes before she could get a grip of herself and control her tears. With the back of her sleeve she wiped her eyes as she disengaged herself from his hold. "I'm sorry… so sorry, and I… I'm so ashamed, Teaspoon, but I was so jealous!"

"I've been neglectin' you recently if you've been feelin' this way, haven't I?" Teaspoon muttered thoughtfully, and suddenly, he remembered something Lou had said the day before. "Is it true what Polly said about me… about my attention wanin' and shiftin'?"

"I don't know… It was not right to tell you that. I'm sorry, Teaspoon."

"No need to apologize, honey. I was also wrong here, and I should have been payin' more attention. This old fool sometimes takes for granted the people he loves, and then when I realize my faults, it's too late."

"Teaspoon, I should've been honest with you from the first. Like I've told you, I have nothing against you spending time with Amanda, but… but I also want a little bit for me."

"I promise this won't happen again, but if I ever slip, you'll let me know, won't you?"

Lou smiled a natural, not-forced smile for the first time in weeks. "Count on it. You know what I'm like… uncomfortably straight and honest."

Teaspoon squeezed her hand as he said, "And I wouldn't want you any other way." He paused and looking into her eyes, he added, "And never forget I love you, honey. You don't need to fight and compete for a little bit of my heart as you say because you have the deeds for a huge chunk already, a vast chunk indeed. You planted your stake there a long time ago, and nobody will ever evade you. Nobody."

Lou was lost for words, and felt her cheeks flush. Her easy tongue became inarticulate, and without a second thought she just threw herself to Teaspoon and hugged him tightly. Her mouth stretched into a smile, and still in his hold she asked, "Why don't you stay for lunch? It's been a while and we've missed you."

Teaspoon pulled away and grinned. "And since theoretically today's my official birthday, where else would I wish to spend it but with my family… my real family?"

"I thought you'd be helping Amanda in her tearoom…" Lou hedged.

"She'll understand why I'm here… why I need to be here." Teaspoon replied, emphasizing the words pointedly.

"Thanks, Teaspoon," Lou muttered, and in a silence she took his wrinkled hand in hers and squeezed it, conveying what this meant for her and how he had saved her miserable day. Everything was right now, and even though Amanda's presence still bothered her, she was content enough to blow away the black clouds and let the breeze inside. Teaspoon was right. She didn't have to compete, which was what Kid had also said. Maybe she could make an effort for Teaspoon's sake and try to have a cordial relationship with Amanda. She had nothing to be jealous about, and she could even end up seeing what Teaspoon clearly saw in the woman, couldn't she?

* * *

It had been a really warm day for the end of April. Lou would have welcomed the beautiful sun shining in the blue sky on any other day, but she had been toiling away all day long, sweltering and sweating uncomfortably. All the rooms in the house needed a good wash since Kid had changed one of their windows the day before. That mere task had meant that a layer of thick dust covered everything in her house. After dusting and washing everything scrupulously, Lou had to iron a huge pile of clothes she had put off for a few days. Naturally, apart from these extra chores, she also had to see to her every day routine, which included cooking, baking, more cleaning and washing, keeping a constant eye on Ginnie and her two boys, who were hardly ever on their own since she also had to look after Amanda's son and more often than not little Ike also joined the children. Today had to be also one of those days she had the four boys together, and Ginnie, who was an exceptionally easy-going baby, was irritable, crying and fussing too often.

Ginnie was contentedly playing with her rag doll while the boys were eating the snack Lou had prepared. It was quiet in the house for once, and Lou breathed out relieved when she finally put down the iron and left the last pressed garment on top of one of the neat piles in her basket.

As she carried the basket with her clean, ironed basket to the back room where she kept all her linen, she happened to have a look at her reflection in the mirror over her fireplace. Her face was flustered, her hair in disarray, wisps escaping her braid, and her forehead gleamed with sweat. Lou shook her head, amused at her own looks and relieved that apart from dinner, everything was done and she would be able to relax later if the children were merciful with her and behaved.

A repetitive rapping at the door welcomed her when she returned to the living room, and she knew that only Ellen knocked in that particular way. It wasn't only Ellen who was at the door, but Amanda stood next to her. "We came to relieve you from our two little terrors," Ellen announced, and Amanda smiled at her words.

Lou threw a look over her shoulder and saw the children still eating the sandwich she had previously prepared. Turning her eyes back to the women, she asked, "Shall we have some tea first? I could definitely do with a nice cup myself."

"Yes, good idea, Lou. We'd love some refreshment too, wouldn't we, Amanda?" Before the woman could reply, Ellen continued, "But let me invade your kitchen and make the tea. You've had enough work as it is, looking after all our kids."

Ellen scurried into the house, leaving Louise and Amanda in uncomfortable silence. It was a couple of weeks since the fiasco of Teaspoon's birthday, and Lou had not spoken with Amanda in all this time. Even though Amanda came to the ranch every day to drop and pick up Adrian, she and Lou had only exchanged a few civil words as Amanda was always in a hurry.

"Shall we sit on the porch? There's a nice breeze blowing right now," Lou suggested, and at Amanda's nod, the two women silently sauntered to the spacious porch, beautifully fringing the front of the house. Louise sat on the swing while Amanda sank down on one of the rocking chairs. They were still silent, and Lou felt the need to fill the awkwardness with words. "Uh… how's the tearoom doing?"

"Quite well, actually."

Lou nodded. "Teaspoon's told me it's a smart, little establishment," she continued. "Maybe I can talk Kid into taking me one of these days, but we're pretty busy, especially him. He and Buck are up to their necks in work at this time of the year. Or maybe I can go with Ellen or Rachel, but who's going to keep the children in line in the meantime? Naturally, I can also let them come with me, and…"

"Louise," Amanda called in a stern voice, and when Lou turned her attention to her, she added, "I've wanted to talk to you for a while, but… I guess I haven't had the guts to do so… till now."

"Talk about what?"

"You and me. I feel I owe you an apology," Amanda muttered sheepishly.

"An apology?"

"My son's delighted to spend time with you and your children. He's continuously prattling on and on about his days here. Our conversations are always filled with your children's names, even yours and your husband's. He says Jed is his very best friend, and I think he sees Matt as his hero."

Lou smiled and shook her head. "My Matt is a good boy, but for your own sanity, I hope Adrian doesn't try to imitate him too much," she joked.

"What I mean is… you've opened your house to my son unconditionally. I really appreciate what you're doing, Louise. Honestly."

Lou folded her arms, feeling shy and awkward. "Adrian is a charming little boy. He's no problem at all, and we're growing very fond of him."

"And I feel I haven't treated you right," Amanda added in a morose tone of voice. "I've judged you too harshly because I've always thought you had it too easy, that you got more than you deserved. I know it sounds mean, but I envy you."

Lou's first reaction was to send her a glacial look, but then she softened, realizing that she was judging the same acts she had been guilty of. "I appreciate your honesty. Life wasn't as easy as you think, if you want to know." Lou paused, seeing Amanda in a very different light. For the first time she didn't show herself as the untouchable, proud beauty Lou had always thought she was, but a woman with flaws and low feelings. "I've realized just now that we're both quite similar in many ways, Amanda. We both know what it means to be a lone woman surviving in a world ruled by men, and because of what that meant for us, we value our families above anything else, am I wrong?"

Amanda shifted her eyes and stared at the blank space in the distance. "I ain't sure, Louise. I've failed to give my son a real family. No wonder he prefers spending time here than with me."

"Amanda, please!" Lou exclaimed, feeling outraged on the woman's account. "Was it your fault Adrian's father was a scumbag?"

"When a marriage falls apart, both parts are equally guilty. It would be easy to blame George, and I did for a while, but I've learned to accept my own responsibility in our estrangement."

"What happens between a man and a woman is one thing, but a child is above that. I couldn't turn my back to my children even if I had to walk out of my marriage, could you, Amanda?"

"No, but…"

"There ain't buts here. The bond between children and parents is so strong that whoever decides to ignore it is either an egotist or has no heart. And who says you haven't given Adrian a family? Like Teaspoon says, family is more than blood relations, and I think now that you're here with us, Adrian has already a bunch of aunts, uncles and cousins, not to mention a very peculiar grandfather."

Amanda couldn't help but chortle amused. "I guess you're right." She paused, and after studying Lou's calm expression for a few seconds, she added, "You know, for someone who claims to hate my guts, you're awfully kind."

Lou shook her head. "I never said I hated you. I thought I didn't like you, but maybe I never made the effort to know you. Anyway, whether I like you or not, you're still family."

"Just because Teaspoon feels I'm family?"

"Yes," Lou replied honestly. "We don't get to choose our relatives, do we? And, well, we eventually get to accept and even grow fond of them, don't we? If you don't believe me, ask my sister's husband. He could tell you a thing or two about having 'me' in the family. We'll never see eye to eye. I think my little sister could have done much better, and he thinks I'm an unbearable busybody. Fortunately, we don't see each other very often, and when we do, we tolerate one another and I think I even grew to love him in a very particular way."

Amanda laughed, and behind all the verbosity and the anecdote, she was aware of what Lou meant, so there was only something she could say, "Thank you."

* * *

Later the women enjoyed the tea Ellen had prepared, and even Buck and Kid had joined them on the porch. Conversation flowed among the five adults while the children played in the front yard.

"Somebody's coming," Ellen announced as she spotted the black outline of a buckboard against the dangling sun.

Everybody turned their looks to the horizon, and when the wagon came closer, they all recognized its driver. Soon the voices of the children chorusing 'Grandpa Teaspoon' were heard as the marshal drove past them and stopped the carriage. It was no surprise to see Teaspoon on the ranch, but what was unusual was to see him in his Sunday best on a weekday. He only wore his suit on just the scarce occasions he performed or attended a wedding or a funeral.

In his usual flourished style, Teaspoon politely removed his hat and even made a bow, bending his upper body and swinging his hand to and fro. "Ladies and gentlemen."

"Teaspoon, what do you have on? Who's died?" Buck asked teasingly.

"Your sense of humor, son," the marshal replied in a mocked miffed tone. He was used to being the butt of teasing, and he always pretended to feel stung by the mockery when in fact, everybody knew he enjoyed it. "I came to see the ladies," he said, climbing the few steps to the porch and resting his back against the balustrade. He turned his whole attention as he asked, "Are you busy tonight?"

"Not particularly. Why?" Amanda asked.

"Mayor Perkins dropped by my office this morning to invite this old geezer to his house. His new wife is a city girl, and is used to hosting dinners or somethin' called soiree. You know, I ain't fond of those things, but the mayor insisted because he wants to talk to me about some important matter, and I had to relent. When he was leavin', he still noticed my reluctance and bellowed, 'Bring that pretty daughter of yours along if it makes you feel better."

Amanda smiled, and Lou's eyes lowered. She had told herself that she would never let herself be bothered by the close relationship between Teaspoon and Amanda. Like Kid said, there was never a competition for his love, but even so, her heart was unable to remain totally immune.

"That pretty daughter of yours?" Amanda echoed in surprise.

Teaspoon chuckled. "He hasn't been around too much, so I can only imagine that he thinks Lou's my daughter for real." At his words Louise's eyes darted to him and she felt Kid squeeze her hand meaningfully. "So since I'm sure Kid won't mind holdin' the fort in town while I'm hobnobbin' with the mayor…"

"Count on me, Teaspoon," Kid agreed with a smile.

"So, Amanda, I wonder if you'd terribly mind looking after Lou's children while she accompanies me to this bore."

Amanda's smile widened as she turned to Louise. "It'd be a pleasure to do it."

"But, Teaspoon, I can't … I can't. Look at me. I'm filthy," she stammered, sweeping her eyes over her ordinary clothes and self-consciously touching her messy hair. "Maybe Amanda or Ellen better go instead of me."

"I want you to come with me, nobody else," Teaspoon stated, looking into her eyes intently. "Go and doll yourself up if you want, and I'll be waitin' for you right here. I ain't going anywhere without you."

Lou's face lit up, and she felt as if she were a naïve teenage girl, flattered by the attentions of the boy she liked. Romantic love had not bothered her lately so much as the idea of losing the man she considered a father. She jumped to her feet, and lunged to Teaspoon, hugging him. "Thank you! Thank you!" she exclaimed and she still kept giggling and repeating the same as he skittered up the stairs towards her bedroom. It was obvious what Teaspoon had meant to do after their clash a couple of weeks ago. He wanted to show her what she was for him and his heart. Lou realized that she needed this; maybe it was silly and childish in a mother of four children, but who cared? Teaspoon was telling her she actually was as close as a real daughter could be, and that was what she might have wanted to hear from him since the moment she had met him all these years ago. Now she knew her place, and she felt she had everything her heart could wish for.

**The End**


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